Overload
by redsandman99
Summary: Co-written with RRatedauthor. Cooper tries to balance Jeff and his career and finds out that things aren't always as easy as they seem.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this has been a long time coming….RRatedauthor and I are working together once again and present this sequel to Strange Bedfellows (which is located on Riky's profile page and should be read before this one if you haven't done it already…Crossfire, In the Line of Fire and Collateral Damage also kind of have to be read if you haven't read them either). Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

…

"This is fucking ridiculous. Stupid television, nothing on I want to watch. Marky, make there be something I want to watch!" James growled, smacking Mark on the shoulder with the remote control. Mark shot out of bed, howling in pain.

"Motherfucker! How many times do I have to tell you not to do that!" He bared his teeth. "I just had fucking shoulder surgery for God's sake!" He hissed loudly, gently holding his arm close to his body.

"Not my fault you tore your rotator cuff." James pouted

"Yes it is!" Mark shouted "I was carrying your drunk ass up the stairs at the time as I recall." He clomped into the bathroom and James heard the sound of medicine-cabinet rifling.

"Third shelf, Marky." The noise abruptly ceased. "You talked to Cooper lately?"

"Yeah." Mark returned to the bedroom, looking a little better. "He's still alive, he hasn't killed Bearer yet, although I hear he's come close once or twice, he and Jeff are happy... anything else you want to know?"

James snorted. "Nothing exciting, then?"

"You've been watching Smackdown more than I have." Mark sighed "You should be the one telling me."

"Ugh." James climbed out of the bed and went downstairs. "I'm hungry. The stove better not burn my food again or I'm going to kill it."

Mark covered his eyes with the arm that wasn't still throbbing and waited. Five minutes later, the smoke alarm went off.

"Under the sink." He shouted downstairs. The sounds of the fire extinguisher, a gift from Cooper last Christmas, drifted to his ears.

"I should hire a maid." He thought, then his meds kicked in. The last thing he heard before he fell asleep was James' outburst and several bangs as he took out his anger on one or more kitchen appliances.

...

"Morning, Coopy." Jeff awoke from his slumber, but to his surprise, the bed was empty. He looked around, and not only was Cooper gone, but so were both Bunny and Lizard. This was not good. Jeff was accustomed to having something soft and warm to snuggle with both when he went to bed and when he arose.

"Cooper?" It was the nicest suite in the hotel, but still there were only a certain number of places he could be. "Bunny?"

A thump from the next room startled Jeff. His throat dried up before he could call out and he clutched the blankets to his chest. "C-C-..."

_Can you ride the rhythm of this human wave?_

_Caught up in the music and the space you save_

_Caught up in the magic of it_

_Caught up in the madness..._

Jeff screamed when the alarm went off. He heard the sound of something hitting the floor, then someone running and the bedroom door opened hard enough to smack the wall.

"Y'okay?" Cooper was covered in what looked like pancake batter.

"I think so..." Jeff gulped nervously. "I woke up and everyone was gone."

"Yeah, about that." Cooper grinned, licking some of the batter from his fingers. "I was gonna make you breakfast in bed, but Bunny was getting in the way, then you screamed and it ended up on the floor."

Jeff breathed out slowly.

"You really okay?" Grabbing a towel from the bathroom, Cooper started wiping the goo from his hair. "Fuck, I suck at this cooking thing."

"You must take after James." Jeff giggled at the sight in front of him.

"At least I don't blame the food for not cooking." Cooper sighed. "I'm gonna need a shower."

"Me too. Wanna save some water?" Jeff asked

"I thought you'd never ask... race ya?"

"You're on."

...

Despite Cooper's best intentions, he and Jeff ended up eating breakfast in the hotel restaurant. Surrounded by their Smackdown coworkers, it was impossible for them to get any sort of peace, especially after the parties that had consumed their floor the night before.

"I dunno why these places continue to rent to us." Cooper watched Dolph Ziggler, still showing the effects of the Jagerbombs of the night before, stagger in, Vicki on his elbow. She was obviously in control of him, dragging him to a table and ordering for the both of them while Mr. Ziggles barely seemed to be awake.

"Yahs; it must cost them a fortune to repair everything." Jeff said.

"Morning, Jeff. Cooper. I see you survived last night."

"Morning, Uncle Crispy." Cooper answered

Glenn shook his head at his nephew. "How many times..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Cooper pointed to an empty chair. "I know. Wanna join us?"

"Sure. Saves me having to eat with the rest of the rabblerousers." Glenn straddled one of the empty seats. "Has Bearer talked to you yet?"

"Why would I be talking to that fat fuck?" Cooper asked

"I dunno. Maybe because he was in a Creative meeting for two hours yesterday. You really need to start getting with the picture, Cooper. I'll bet you don't even know who the next sacrifice to your 'ministry' is, now do ya?"

Cooper shrugged. "I'm sure someone will tell me at some point... ah, food." He dove into his sausages and eggs.

"It's me." Glenn answered

Cooper choked on his food. Jeff moved to hit him on the back, but Cooper waved him off. He coughed a few times, then managed to swallow what he'd been eating.

"I rest my point." Glenn folded his arms, looking smug. Cooper wanted to slap the smugness from his face simply because he looked like Bearer at that moment.

"You?" Jeff seemed just as surprised as Cooper, without the turning blue from lack of oxygen. "Why?"

"Why not? Paul's supposed to be my dad and you know how my relationship with 'Taker has been." Glenn replied "They're banking on Mark being able to have a match at the Rumble, and who better than the person who buried him alive?"

"What about me and Mark?" Cooper still had a hard time calling Undertaker 'Dad'. "I mean, Jeff 'n I have been running around bragging that we put dear old 'Taker on the shelf and you get first dibs on him when he comes back? What the fuck, man?"

"See why you should attend Creative meetings?" Glenn signaled for a coffee refill. "That way I wouldn't have to seem like the bad guy here."

"Fuck!" Cooper pounded the table, rattling the silverware and drawing stares from several red-eyed men. "Bet yer ass I'm gonna have something to say when I get to the arena."

_Good thing I haven't told him who he's working a program with until then._

...

"Good Evening, Cleveland and welcome to Smackdown..."

One week after leaving Edge lying a puddle, and two weeks after doing the same to the Big Show, the Core were floating on cloud nine.

"You saw what we did here last week to Edge," Despite his claims that he was NOT the leader of the group, he always seemed to speak first. "and the Big Show the week before that. If that doesn't prove that we are the most dominant group on Smackdown, then it looks like we will just have to continue our reign of destruction..."

"Last week was just the beginning." It was Heath's turn to speak. "You saw what we did to Edge, your supposed 'top dog'. If he couldn't stop the Core, I guess this will be like taking candy from a baby, bay-bee..."

Nods of agreement from the other three men, but their gloating was to be short-lived. As Justin prepared to add his two Rand (little joke) worth, the arena lights went out.

"Turn those lights on!" Wade shouted "We aren't finished..."

"Oh yessss you are!" The spotlight was turned to the stage, where Cooper, Jeff, and Paul Bearer stood. "You claim that which is not rightly yours!" Paul shrieked "Your plans of dominance will not be made true if we have anything to say about it!"

The fans were confused. Over the past weeks, what Creative wanted to call the "new ministry" had done their share of damage. They hadn't been seen since Wade arrived, but their appearance at this particular moment surprised the crowd. Were they here to confront the Core or, heaven forbid, join with them?

"In case you hadn't noticed, we put dear old Daddy on the shelf." With every passing show, every promo, Cooper was easing into his role. "If that doesn't prove who's better than who, then..."

"You finished what me and the Nexus started." Wade interrupted "Don't ever forget that."

"How can we forget something that never happened?" Cooper barked

"If it wasn't for Kane, your entire Nexus would've been left having an orgy in the bottom of that grave... and judging from some of the pictures going around, that would be nothing new... am I right Justin?" Jeff cackled

Gabriel shook his head in denial, but alas the pictures in question had been seen by much of the WWE universe.

"This is getting us nowhere." Barrett shouted "If you're the dominant force, as you claim, why don't you come down here and prove it?"

Cooper and Jeff looked at each other and nodded, running to the ring with Paul waddling close behind. Despite being outnumbered two-to-one, they were doing a good job keeping the Core off their feet until more familiar music brought the action in the ring to a dead stop.

Barrett looked smug when Kane sprinted down to the ring. Standing between the warring factions, he glared impassively at first Cooper, then Wade.

"As you were saying? Kane, show them what happens to people who mess with the Core?"

The Big Red Monster took a step toward Jeff, then suddenly turned to face Barrett.

"What are you..." Before he could finish his demand, Kane had goozled Barrett. Jackson, Slater, and Gabriel looked on in shock as their leader was choke slammed to the mat.

Zeke jumped to Barrett's aid, but Kane took care of him just as easily, leaving Gabriel and Slater for Cooper and Jeff. It wasn't long before the Core members were all flat on their backs.

"You were probably too busy being embarrassed by John Cena, but I said something a long time ago that still holds." Cooper grabbed one of the fallen mics and squatted over the fallen Core leader. "If you don't come willingly, I'll take you by force. My own father couldn't stop me, and neither will anyone else. Kane was smart. Are you?"

...

"Did anyone tell you that you look majorly hot when you're out there doing your thing?" Jeff asked. He and Cooper were sitting in the backseat of the car while Glenn drove and Bearer had shotgun and much to the older mens' annoyance, the two of them were just all over each other and they would not stop for anything.

"I think you might have mentioned it once or twice," Cooper said with a smirk. His hands were under Jeff's shirt and were freely exploring every inch of the smaller man's body that he could touch. "But I would be okay with you telling me even more about it."

Jeff grinned. "Oh yeah?"

"Ye-"

"Would you two stop before I lose my lunch?" Bearer asked impatiently. He turned around in his seat to glare at the both of them, making Jeff pout meekly while Cooper glared right back at him. "I have told you over and over again that I do not want you fornicating in my presence."

Cooper snorted loudly. "First of all, you just totally reveled your age because nobody under the age of a hundred uses the word "fornicate". And second of all-"

"Don't you talk to me like that," Bearer said, getting really nasty at the complete disrespect in Cooper's tone. "You little punk I am your grandfather-unfortunately! You will treat me with-"

"I'll treat you with my foot kicking your face in," Cooper growled, actually raising his foot up as he said it. "How does that sound?"

"Would you two stop?" Glenn growled, grabbing Bearer by his shirt and yanking him back until he faced the front once again. "This is REALLY getting annoying!"

"He started it," Cooper said, pouting in the most James like manner.

"Cooper…" Jeff placed his hand on Cooper's leg and pushed it back down. "Come on just stop."

"He started it," Cooper insisted. He knew he was being childish but he couldn't help it. He, James and Connor hated Bearer and Bearer hated them right back. That was something that was never going to change, no matter what people tried to do about it. Bearer viewed the Lawsons as scum and they viewed him as a fat bastard who needed to get bent.

"I know," Jeff assured him. "He's a big meanie like that." He kissed Cooper to make sure he stayed quiet. "When he's not looking we'll throw something at his big stupid head."

"Hey!" Bearer objected, trying to turn back around even though Glenn was attempting to hold him back. "I heard that!"

"So?" Jeff said, hugging Cooper and getting real brave because he had his boyfriend right there to do the protecting if need be. "Whatcha gonna do about it buster?"

Bearer looked like he had a whole bunch of nasty answers to that but he kept them to himself when he saw the look that Cooper was giving him. "Stupid brats," he muttered under his breath. "I fear for the future of America."

"Oh can it Fatso," Cooper snapped while Jeff snuggled up against him.

Glenn let out a long sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "God, grant me the strength not to kill everyone in this fucking car…"

…

"You know, we really have to come up with a name for our group," Cooper said as he munched on his piece of pizza. He and Jeff were back in their room and they had gotten some pizza delivered and some beer from the hotel bar. They had an early flight to catch in the morning but neither one of them felt like sleeping. Jeff was getting kind of close to it though so Cooper knew they couldn't stay up too much longer. It was a bit hard because he was really more of a night owl but he would just have to deal with it. "We can't keep running around without a name or Creative really will start calling us the New Ministry of Darkness."

Jeff wrinkled his nose and took a drink of his beer. "I know. It's hard though. I've been thinking and thinking and I can't come up with anything. He set his beer down and moved over so he could sit on Cooper's lap and rest his head on his shoulder. "I've been thinking and thinking but I can't come up with shit."

"Me neither," Cooper said. It was frustrating as hell. The stable of him, Jeff and Bearer (and now Glenn) was getting really hot and big but they didn't even have a name. It was maddeningly frustrating. "I don't get why its so hard. You would think with all of us thinking about it we would be able to come up with something."

"Maybe we should all sit down and try to talk about it," Jeff suggested. "Maybe this time it'll go better."

Cooper shook his head dubiously. The last time they had tried that he and Bearer had gotten into one of their routine arguments and the discussion never happened. They just could not get along if their lives depended on it.

Jeff pouted at the head shake. "You don't even try you know."

"I hate trying with him. I would just rather kill him and get it over with."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Of course it is. I should have known." He began to play with Cooper's hair. "What if we talk to Mark and see if he can come up with anything? He's smart-"

"Well that's debatable," Cooper said jokingly. "Depends on the day of the week."

"Well let's just catch him on a good day and ask him. I don't want to be stuck being the "new" anything. That'll kill us faster than James when he's cranky."

Cooper nodded and stood up, easily carrying Jeff towards the bed. "Sounds like a plan to me." He dropped Jeff on the mattress and climbed on top of him. "That'll be later though. Right now I've got much different plans…"


	2. Chapter 2

"Welcome to Monday Night Raw... one night after one of the most controversial Royal Rumbles in WWE history, I'm Michael Cole joined by Hall-of-Famer Jerry "the King" Lawler."

"Awesome!..."

"And we're starting with the most must-see champion in WWE history."

"Please... the only thing that is must-see about him is when he was running away from Orton last night." Lawler sneered "He doesn't deserve to be champion."

"Whaddaya mean? Of course he deserves to be champion..."

"Shut up, Cole." Jerry motioned with his fist.

"Remember King, you can't touch me or you'll be fired."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Jerry said

...

"Last night, I proved to everyone why I deserve to be the champion." Miz taunted the hostile crowd. "I proved to all of you that I am the best wrestler, and I will continue to hold this title until I decide that there is someone else worthy to hold it, because I'm the Miz and I'm..."

The fans began their shows of displeasure again, trying to drown out what they knew the Miz was going to say. The Miz just stared, cockily, before raising the microphone again. But before he could say anything, a strange ethereal music entered the arena.

Miz and A-Ri looked toward the stage as WWE's still unnamed stable: Glenn, Jeff, Paul Bearer, and Cooper, the winner of the 2011 Royal Rumble, entered the arena.

"Hiya, Miz, so we meet again." Cooper announced

From his expression, Miz had either forgotten about what had happened in a dive bar many years ago, or was just repressing his only encouter with the eldest Lawson boy.

"I don't know who you think you are, coming onto My show, interrupting MY celebration." Miz looked at Riley, who shrugged.

"I should think it would be perfectly obvious." Jeff looked at Cooper. "But Real World Alumni aren't the smartest knives in the drawer, I've been told."

At the word 'knives', a vein about Cooper's right eye twitched. "I am Cooper Calaway, the winner of the Royal Rumble and, right now, your worst enemy."

Miz scoffed.

"I have a guaranteed title match against whatever champion I want." Cooper looked at Bearer, wishing he could push the fat man off the stage without getting into too much trouble.

"Yeah? If you get in my face, you won't be making it to Wrestlemania, title shot or no title shot." Miz waved the mic at Alex.

"Miz, you seem to forget that there are four of us... well, three of us that can actually do something about your big mouth, and only two of you." Cooper motioned for Jeff and Glenn to start walking to the ring. "I am not a patient man. Maybe I cash in my guaranteed title shot tonight and wipe that gay smirk off the pair of your faces."

An incoming e-mail interrupted Cooper.

"May I have your attention please..."

"Cole, just read the damn e-mail before I do the world a favor and shove it somewhere." Cooper shouted

Cole swallowed nervously. "As the General Manager of Raw, it is up to me to ensure that everything is done fairly and honestly when it comes to the WWE champion. Therefore, it is with deep regret that I announce that there will be NO title match here tonight."

The vein twitched again. If there was one thing he hated, it was people telling him what he could or couldn't do, especially if they were such pussies as not to reveal themselves.

"Furthermore, while I can appreciate the fact that you did win the Royal Rumble, if you so much as lay a hand on the Miz, you will forfeit that title opportunity." Cole seemed to relish delivering that last line.

"Is that a fact?" Cooper asked "I can't touch the Miz?"

Another e-mail came in.

"Yes, Mr. Calaway, that is a fact."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Anonymous GM." Cooper answered "Kane, Hardy, get them!"

Jeff and Glenn ran the last few feet to the ring. Kane went after Miz, while Jeff took on Alex Riley. Neither Raw superstar had much of a chance to defend themself. In the midst of their beatdowns, another email came in.

"I am ordering you to stop." Cole shouted "If you do not, there will be consequences."

Cooper had just about had enough of the bullshit. This was not what he signed up for.

"You tell your General Manager that if he sends one more e-mail tonight, then I will not be held responsible for what I do." Cooper glared right at Cole when he said that.

"You can't threaten our GM like that."

"First of all, I am not threatening your General Manager." Cooper actually smiled. "I am threatening you and second of all, it's not a threat... it's a promise."

Cooper turned his attention to the ring, just in time to see the Miz tombstoned to the mat and Alex Riley given the now-appropriately renamed Twist of Hate.

The GM must've decided that Cooper was full of shit, since he did send another e-mail seconds later.

"I said..." Cole started to read, but that was as far as he got before Cooper dragged him from the platform.

"Your General Manager obviously thought I was joking. Well, let this be a lesson to him that Cooper Calaway doesn't joke around. Kane, Hardy, clear the ring and take those two pieces of crap with you!"

Jeff and Kane nodded and did what they'd been asked to.

"King, help me!" Cole begged

"Sorry, Cole, remember what the GM said... no physicality." Jerry leaned back.

"That's not what..."

"Shut up, and maybe I don't break you into millions of pieces." Cooper tightened his grip on Cole, dragging him into the ring.

"I never had any intention of challenging the Miz." He announced "Frankly, ? has bigger plans for the future and that piece of shit title he holds isn't one of them. However, as a preview of what will happen at Wrestlemania..." He flipped Cole upside down and piledrove him into the mat with a thud. For what he hoped was the only time, something his group did was met with approval by the WWE universe.

…

Cooper was barely backstage before Jeff was jumping on him, attaching his lips to his and wrapping his legs around his waist. Several of the people around them rolled their eyes but they didn't try to break them up, knowing that it was a lost cause. The two of them were at the stage of their relationship that they constantly had to be putting their hands on each other and they weren't going to let anyone stop them-although there were a few that felt free to try.

"Not again!" Bearer barked sharply He looked ready to throttle Jeff and Cooper with his bare hands. "Why do you insist on doing this all the time and in public no less? Don't you think that maybe nobody else wants to watch the two of you-"

Cooper growled and flipped Bearer off without stopping what he was doing with Jeff. He was really tired of Bearer always trying to make him and Jeff stop making out and stuff. If he really didn't like what he was saying, he could close his eyes. Besides, with the whirlwind that had been the past twenty four hours, he felt like he deserved to get an interruption free make-out session.

"_You nervous?" Jeff asked as he and Cooper changed into their ring gear. The Rumble match itself was set to start in just a little bit and Glenn was already in the gorilla position, having drawn number ten as his entry number. Jeff had nineteen and Cooper had twenty seven, so he had gotten the best deal out of all of them. Traditionally it was the lucky number of the Royal Rumble although that didn't mean shit now that the number of participants was up to forty (not the wisest decision in Cooper's mind but when did Creative listen to anyone that wasn't themselves?)._

"_Nah," Cooper said with a shake of his head. That wasn't a complete lie. Yeah maybe he had a butterfly or two but overall he was more chilled than what one might expect him to be._

_Jeff raised his eyebrows. "You sure?"_

_Cooper nodded. "I'm ready to just do it and get it over with already." Unlike most people in the business, Cooper didn't really see the point in investing every single part of himself into the whole business. It was his job, not a lifelong passion._

"_Are you two decent?" Bearer asked as he knocked on the door._

"_We're more than decent Bearer," Cooper said, smirking as he began lacing his boots. "We're fucking delicious."_

"…_Excuse me?" Bearer said incredulously as Jeff laughed loudly. _

"_You're excused Vickie," Cooper replied._

_Bearer groaned in exasperation. "You're insufferable…"_

"Hey hey come on, save it for the bedroom," Glenn said, trying his best to break them apart before they started fucking right there in the middle of the hallway. "We all don't need to see this."

"Aw man," Jeff complained, pouting his lips and trying to look all pretty to help sway Glenn. "Come on, we're not that bad. Bunny and Lizard never complain about watching us do anything."

"That's because they're not alive you twit," Bearer said nastily. "They-" He was quickly silenced by Cooper, who had put Jeff down in order to smack him really really hard.

"You just shut up," Cooper growled, hitting Bearer again as Jeff glared at him angrily. "You got it?"

"Yeah," Jeff chimed in. "Shut up." He kicked Paul in the shins for good measure and then hid behind Cooper just in case the older man decided to try to retaliate.

Bearer stared at both of them like they were absolutely insane before shaking his head in disgust. "Unbelievable. Completely unbelievable."

"_Look at the carnage these two are causing," Michael Cole said as he, Jerry and Striker watched Jeff and Glenn tear apart everyone that was in the ring. The two of them had the upper hand and were just beating the snot out of everyone they could. Jeff had eliminated Yoshi Tatsu and Kane had eliminated Santino just as he got in the ring yet again and had also just about killed Primo with a choke slam from the ring out to the floor. Now they were fighting with against David Otunga, Heath Slater, Husky Harris and Mark Henry, who had all decided to gang up on them while Tyson Kidd and Beth Phoenix tried to eliminate each other in the corner. _

"_That's what this group has been about since the very beginning," Striker said as Jeff hit a Twist of Hate on Heath Slater. "This group-whoa!" Jeff had just gotten tossed across the ring by Mark Henry like a rag doll. Kane was trying to get over to Henry but Otunga and Harris were doing everything in their power to keep him backed up in the ropes so they could attempt to eliminate him. Unbeknownst to the people in the ring, the countdown for the next entrance began and the audience began counting with it, chomping at the bit to see who would come out next. _

_Once the clock hit one there was about two seconds of nothing and then the opening of Welcome to the Family by Avenged Sevenfold began to play, signifying Cooper's arrival in the match. He came down the ramp and slid into the ring, bulldozing through Otunga and Harris to get to Mark Henry, who had both of his hands on the top rope and was stepping on Jeff for his own entertainment. That was a big no-no in Cooper's book and he hit Henry from behind before grabbing him by the legs and dumping him up over the top rope. That one got quite the response, generally considering the fact very few people were actually capable of doing that on their own._

"_Thanks," Jeff said as Cooper helped him up to his feet. Kane was throwing out Otunga and Harris out of the ring, laughing as they hit the floor with a large thud. Beth followed that up by eliminating Tyson Kidd and the crowd collectively groaned for her sake when she turned around and found herself face to face with the Trio of Destruction._

_She looked between all of them, knowing she was fucked but deciding to go out fighting. She lunged at Jeff, getting him down to the mat because she got him by surprise and started hitting him with some very stiff shots .Kane grabbed her by the hair and she shrieked before twisting herself around and catching him with a kick to the groin. The crowd was going nuts, really thinking she had a shot at holding her own. Those hopes were quickly crushed though as Cooper put his size thirteen and a half boot in her face. He basked in the heat he received for a few seconds before giving her a Tombstone Piledriver for good measure and tossing her effortlessly over the top rope._

…

_The final two people in the ring were Cooper and Rey Mysterio. How Mysterio survived to the final two was beyond Cooper but he was doing his best not to dwell on that at the moment. Right now he had to focus on neutralizing Mysterio because he was using his speed to his full advantage, running all around and kicking him in the knees to attempt to get him down to his level. "Fucking mother fucker," he growled, putting an end to the unwanted shenanigans by giving Rey a boot the face. Down went Mysterio and Cooper picked him up and attempted to throw him out of the ring. Mysterio wiggled out at the last second though and dropkicked Cooper from behind and down he went into the perfect 619 position. Rey went for the move but Cooper caught his feet before they kicked him in the face and he pulled the smaller man back into the ring through the second rope before flinging him over the top rope, effectively winning his spot at the main event of Wrestlemania._

"Coopy! Coopy Coopy Coopy!"

"Oh NO!" Bearer exclaimed as Cooper, Jeff and Glenn whirled around.

"What the-" Cooper was cut off by Connor jumping on him and doing his absolute best to squeeze the life out of him with a hug. "Connor?"

"Hi hi hi!" Connor exclaimed. "I missed you Coopy I did I did!" He looked back and waved at the approaching James. "Daddy Daddy Daddy! I found him! I found him I did I did!"

"I see that," James said, ignoring the looks he was getting from Bearer and Glenn and kept his attention on Cooper and Connor.

"Dad?" Cooper shook his head in disbelief. "What are you guys doing here? Did you forget about that lifetime ban-"

"Gah, no stupid ban is keeping me or Con Man out," James said with a wave of his hand. "We wanted to see you and so we're here."

"What about Mark?" Jeff asked. "Where's he?"

"We ditched him!" Connor answered helpfully. "We did we did! Daddy said leave him with the Funky Bunch so…"

"Dad!" Cooper said in exasperation.

"What?" James said innocently. "Did I do something wrong?"

Cooper just rolled his eyes. _Note to self: find Mark before he gets more time to get more pissed off than he probably already is…_


	3. Chapter 3

"Damn it all to hell Lawson, can I even turn my back on you for five seconds?" Mark asked in exasperation. Cooper had him on the phone and it was on speaker because everyone had been trying to jump in on the conversation anyway. "I mean really-"

"Oh don't lecture me Marky Mark," James said, not the least bit sorry about what he and Connor had done. "I don't want to hear it."

"What is with that stupid nickname?" Bearer asked, his curiosity getting the best of him. He had heard James call Mark that over and over and over again and he didn't get it. And the fact that it was usually followed by a "Funky Bunch" comment just made him even more confused.

Jeff exchanged a look with Glenn before deciding to step up and explain what it was all about. "You know who Mark Wahlberg is?" All he got was an annoyed stare for that one. "You know, Mark Wahlberg? The Fighter, The Italian Job, Planet of the Apes, The Other Guys…" Still nothing. "Oh come on! He's an actor…well no anyway. Back in the nineties he was a rapper and he recorded as Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch. He was Marky Mark and he had like a little posse or whatever that were his Funky Bunch. And since Mark's name is Mark, he's Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch…well I don't know about that one because our Mark don't have one of those. I think James just likes saying it."

Bearer stared at Jeff for the longest time before shaking his head. "That is completely stupid."

"It is not!" James said defensively. He looked back at Bearer and gave him a hard glare. "You're stupid."

"Oh yes, that was mature," Bearer said sarcastically.

"But you ARE stupid," Connor insisted, jumping in on the conversation and seriously violating Bearer's personal space. "You're a big fat stupid STUPID head!"

"Words of wisdom from Connor Lawson," Glenn said, his voice absolutely dripping with sarcasm. "Kid should have his own talk show." He got a nice elbow from Cooper for that one. "What?" he said grumpily. "What did I say?"

"You know what you said," Cooper replied. He grabbed Connor by the shirt and put him in a headlock.

"Hey!" Connor protested. "No Coopy no! No noogie!"

"I wasn't going to do a noogie…oh wait, yeah I was."

"NOOOOOO!"

"You didn't get him in trouble did you Lawson?" Mark asked, completely ignoring Connor's yelling as he interrogated James.

"Get him in trouble?" James sounded completely insulted by that. "Why would I get him in trouble?"

"By showing up…you got a life time ban for a _reason_ Lawson."

"But Vince is dead!"

"The McMahon family still don't like you," Mark pointed out. "And if they would have caught you, you don't realize that just because they're scared of you don't mean they wouldn't have taken it out on Cooper. And considering he's getting a push most would _dream_ of getting, you can't just-"

"Don't scold me like I'm a child," James snapped, making Glenn and Cooper share uncomfortable looks. This wasn't going to go anywhere good. "I didn't get caught so just get over it."

"Don't tell me to get over it." Now it was Mark's turn to snap. "You have to think of Cooper-"

"Oh don't you even DARE say that shit to me. Are you forgetting who raised him? Just because you're finally stepping up twenty eight years later does not fucking mean you get to tell me what to do in regards to him." James hung up the phone before Mark could say anything back to him and Cooper had to quickly grab his phone before it ended up in pieces.

"Dad-"

"Can you BELIEVE him? Fucking acts like I'm fucking incapable or something just because he wants to play daddy now."

"Dad-" Cooper was trying to reel James in before he got too worked up but that failed on epic level. James stormed out in a huff, definitely out for blood now. A long, uncomfortable silence filled the room before Connor (who was the only one completely oblivious to the tension) decided to break the silence the only way he knew how.

"If a nakie mole rat had sex with a mole that wasn't nakie, would their babies be nakie or not?"

…

"Crispy, it's not even noon. Why am I awake?" Cooper demanded

"Because if you don't go to the Creative meeting, Michael Hayes said they would make a decision for you about our group's name." Glenn dragged him out to his rental car and tossed him into the shotgun seat.

"So?" After the post-Rumble party, and the loud sex with Jeff that followed, sleep was what Cooper wanted most.

"You remember Michael Hayes, right? He's the one who wanted Jeff to talk about fuck face as a reason for joining forces with you. I'm pretty sure that if you don't come up with something, you will be the 'New Ministry of Darkness'."

Cooper sneered at Glenn. "Tom was not a fuck face. He was a lot of things, but..."

"My point exactly. Now buckle up."

That is how, between being on cloud nine as the winner of the 2011 Royal Rumble, and being even higher after tombstoning Michael Cole, Cooper found himself bored out of his mind listening to Michael Hayes and his crew drone on about Smackdown storylines. If it didn't involve Cooper, then he really didn't give a shit.

"Next item. Cooper, are you paying attention?"

"No." He stated

"No? What do you mean 'no'?"

"If you're gonna stick me, Glenn, Jeff, and dillweed with calling us the New Ministry of Darkness or any variation on that, then the answer is no. The New Nexus is drawing less heat that a candle because of their name, so why would we do the same?" Cooper was still headdesking (if you don't know what that means, feel free to ask), and drifting off every now and then.

"Well, we do have a few more suggestions..."

_Oh fuck... _Cooper groaned. "What?"

"The Dead Pool?"

"No."

"The Dead Zone?"

"No."

"The..."

"Look, why does it have to be some name that has to do with death. I may be Mark's kid, but shouldn't I be trying to carve my own rep out here?" Just months ago, admitting to anyone that he was Mark's son would've been out of the question, but even a Lawson can mature with age, unless the first name of said Lawson happens to end with –onnor.

"Do have any suggestions?" Hayes looked right at Cooper. "Since you seem to be shitting on what we've come up with..."

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do." Cooper answered, hoping something would click in the next ten seconds.

"Well, we're waiting to hear it." The entire Creative team looked at him with anticipation.

"You want me to tell you right now? Fuck, I haven't even told Jeff and them." Cooper was stalling and everyone at the table probably knew it. "I'd like to get their approval first." Frankly, he didn't really care. Glenn and Jeff would go along with it as long as it made sense, and Bearer would shoot it down no matter what it was, not like Connor gave a fuck about that.

"Can I ask why we even need a team name?" Cooper asked "It's not like we're gonna go out there and introduce ourselves. Fuck, if the Universe doesn't know who we are, or what our goals are, they're either pretty stupid or John Cena fans."

For some reason, the last comment was struck as funny by some and it quickly degenerated until the entire group, with the exception of Cooper, was doubled over with laughter.

"I had never thought of that." Hayes wiped his eyes. "But we need something to design a 'Tron for you guys, even if you never mention your stable name by name on television."

"Oh." _Makes sense, for once in his fuckin' life._

"Just have something for us by the time we go to tape tonight, okay."

"Whatever you say." Cooper sneered "Anything else, boss?"

"Actually, how would you feel about repeating what you did on RAW?"

"You mean tombstone Michael Cole again?" Cooper asked "I did enjoy that."

"So did the fans. That segment got the highest rating of anything, short of Rock and Foley's 'Here is Your Life'."

"I'll think about it." _Sure, in between coming up with a stupid stable name and fucking the hell out of Jeff._

"Works for us." Several of the writers nodded. "If you've got other ideas, just don't go too overboard."

...

"Jeff? Shouldn't you be at the creative meeting?"

Jeff looked up from his drawing and looked back at Randy and Matt, who were both staring at him expectantly. "No," he replied simply. "Cooper went. I don't need to go."

Matt and Randy both exchanged looks. "But aren't they trying to figure out what to call you guys?" Matt asked.

"Yeah. But Cooper will take care of it." Jeff tried to go back to his drawing but couldn't when Matt and Randy just kept staring at him. "What?" he said impatiently. "Why do you keep staring at me?"

"We're not staring," Randy denied, even though all three of them knew that they were.

Jeff curled his lips and folded his arms over his chest. "You are too and it's rude so knock it off or tell me what's the matter."

Matt let out a long sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. "You and Cooper…you're doing okay, right?"

"Yeah," Jeff said, not entirely liking where this conversation had to be headed. "We're good."

"Are you sure?"

"Why would I not be sure?"

"Well…"

"Matt!" Jeff couldn't even begin to hide his exasperation with his older brother. "We're fine, really. You don't have to be all stupid and question me like I don't know what I'm doing."

"I'm just worried," Matt said in his defense. "I have a right to be worried. It hasn't been that long since Tommy…and you're dating a Lawson! Need I remind you how crazy that family is?"

Jeff only glared at Matt and Matt looked at Randy for support. "…Do either you or Cooper find it weird to have sex considering that you banged James first?"

Matt slapped his forehead at his boyfriend's question while Jeff rolled his eyes. "That's not an issue," he said as he got up. "And if it was it would be between us."

"Jeff-"

"I gotta go see if Cooper's done yet." Jeff knew Matt was about to speak again so he quickly took off without waiting to hear a word of it. He didn't need that speech again. He had heard other variations of it and he was tired of it. He was just completely and totally tired of it.

…

Smackdown opened with the same Avenged Sevenfold song that Cooper had entered the Rumble with. There was a single spotlight, shining down in the middle of the ring, illuminating Cooper, who sat in a steel chair.

"As you can see, tonight, I've decided to take matters into my own hands." He announced "I am not a patient man, so I am not going to wait for Wrestlemania..."

"Here we go again." Cole groaned

"Ah, Michael Cole." Cooper smiled, looking down at the Smackdown announce table. "I see you haven't learned your lesson. Still running your big mouth."

Striker and Josh slid their chairs to the opposite end, just in case.

"Don't worry. Tonight, I do have bigger things on my mind and this time, there is no anonymous General Manager, or his windbag, to..."

"Excuse me!"

Cooper rolled his eyes. _Fuckin' interruptions. If it ain't Bearer stopping me and Jeff, it's this..._

"I said excuse me!"

Cooper waited for her to enter the ring.

"Excuse me!" She repeated for a third time.

"Did you fart?" Cooper asked

Vickie frowned. "In case you didn't know, and judging by what I know of your family intelligence isn't a strong suit, I am the acting GM of Smackdown thanks to Teddy Long's injuries."

"I had nothing to do with that." Cooper replied

"I don't care if you did or not. This is Smackdown, not Raw, and I will have some order. You will not be making any challenges without my say-so..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... blah blah blah." Cooper waved "I heard all this crap on RAW, so save it for someone who cares."

"You know what I think..." Vickie was dangerously close to violating Cooper's personal space. Jeff's penis was the only thing that he let get that close to his face.

"You know what I think, Vickie..." Cooper spat her name back at her. "I think you have bigger things to worry about right now."

"You can't threaten me!" Vickie shrieked "I'm the..."

"And therein lies the problem. It appears to me that you have a conflict of interest, managing Dolph Ziggler and making the rules." Cooper's voice was low, and even-toned. "What were you thinking, banning the spear... don't answer that. Everyone knows how that worked out."

Vickie pouted.

"You can't talk to me like that..."

Cooper grabbed Vickie's mic and effortlessly tossed it aside. "Don't correct me if I'm wrong, but I just did, babe." He cocked his head to one side and laughed. "You know, I'm reminded of what my Dad did to you a few years ago. You remember, Vickie?"

Cooper turned to the giant screen while Vickie's misfortune of the past was replayed for everyone.

"That's what my Dad did to you, and we all know what I did to my Dad, so what do you think I can do to you? Huh, Vickie? Answer me!"

Vickie didn't answer right away. Instead, she screamed right in Cooper's face.

"Nooooooo!"

"That's not an answer. What you need to do is hang around Michael Cole more often. He'll tell you what happens to people who don't listen." He grabbed Vickie around the throat.

"Oh, come on. Someone has got to stop this!" Cole yelled "He can't do this!"

"You wanna go tell him?" Striker asked "I'll stay right here, thank-you very much."

"Yeah, Cole. You seem to have a good rapport with him. You're all buddy-buddy, right?" Even Josh couldn't resist nudging him.

"Put her down!" Cole stood up, and screamed. "She's our General Manager..."

"Acting General Manager, Cole. Get it right!" Striker rebutted him.

Her term as 'acting' was about to come to an end. Teddy Long's music began to play and the GM himself stepped on stage.

"Hold up, playa."

Cooper turned, but without relinquishing his grip.

"Now I know we haven't seen eye to eye on a lotta things, and I know Vickie's been kinda bossy since I got hurt, but playa, this ain't the way to settle things."

"Are you coming here to be the solution, Theodore, or part of the problem?"

"Hey, no sense openin' the Hatorade. Since I'm back, and once more large and in charge, I got a few announcements to make. I am reversing Vickie Guerrero's ban on the spear effective immediately..."

The fans erupted loudly.

"Secondly, and this concerns you, Calaway. As the winner of the Royal Rumble, you are guaranteed a title match. Now traditionally, it has been set for Wrestlemania, but there is precedent. John Cena cashed his in early to face Randy Orton at No Way Out in 2008, so I don't see why it can't be done here. Tonight!

"However, I must also remind you that putting your hands on a senior member of staff can result in some serious consequences." Obviously referring to Vickie, who was turning redder with each passing second. "So therefore, I must also inform you that as of right now, Vickie Guerrero is no longer acting General Manager of Smackdown! Hollah back!"

"Teddy! You can't do this!" Vickie gurgled "Mr. McMahon..."

"Is no longer with us." Teddy stated "I do this with the full support of the Board of Directors who also feel that you have been abusing your power to help out ya boyfriend, ya hear me? Coopah, if you want that title match tonight, you know what you have to do."

Teddy jived his way from the stage.

Cooper looked from the stage to the crowd, then back to Vickie. _Fuck, people will start cheering me if I keep this up._ One tombstone later, and Vickie was flat on her back.

"It's not about titles," Cooper placed the chair across Vickie's body, then sat so he could address everyone. "and it's not even about putting people in their place. It's about me proving that I am part of the most dominant group in the WWE. I proved that at the Rumble, and tonight I'm gonna prove it again. There will be a new champion crowned tonight and his name will be Cooper Calaway!"


	4. Chapter 4

_Stay down, motherfucker. You're like Connor when I want to fuck him._

The only difference was it wasn't Connor underneath him and fucking wasn't going to happen, especially on a network like SyFy.

His impromptu match with Edge for the World Championship had been going for a good ten-to-fifteen minutes already and, although there had been several close falls, neither had been able to keep his opponent's shoulders down for the required three-count.

Cooper whipped Edge into the ropes, and followed him in with a knee to the midsection. The Canadian dropped to his knees, all the breath leaving his body with a huge gasp. Cooper did this again on the opposite side of the ring, with the same result. With Edge still on all-fours, Cooper put him in a reverse chinlock, bordering on a choke to further wear the man down.

"Last chance, Copeland." Cooper hissed into the older man's ear. "Join me and I won't send you back to Canada completely unrecognizable."

At ringside, Jeff and Bearer were both watching the match with different emotions. Bearer, even though he was supposed to be on Cooper's side, wanted Adam to win and Jeff was torn. He liked his "Coopy", but he was still friends with "Addy" and didn't want him to get hurt too badly. Cooper still had a problem with not pulling his punches.

"Finish him, Coopy!" Jeff shouted, starting to pound the apron.

"Yes, finish him so you two can get back to your fornicating!" Bearer shrieked, turning away from the ring to polish his urn.

"Shush you!" Jeff went to punch Bearer, but hit the urn instead. "Owie!"

"Serves you right!" Bearer cackled, stepping away from Jeff.

"Oh yeah, Imma..." Jeff walked toward Paul when a large shape landed between them. Being thrown over the top rope, Cooper was now in between the arguing members of his stable.

"Can't you two see I'm trying to win a fuckin' title?" The ringing in his ears wasn't too bad. He'd been hit harder, that was for sure.

"He started it." Jeff tattled

"Oh yessss... it's always Uncle Paul." Bearer growled "You're never the cause of anything!"

"'Coz I'm the cute one!" Jeff pouted

"Both of you shut up before I do something extremely painful... shit!" Cooper just realized that the referee's count was at eight, and barely rolled back in to avoid being counted out. He glared at Jeff and Bearer, a lot more at the fatter one, before getting back into the match where Edge was waiting for him.

"Looks like Edge has found his second wind."

"C'mon Edge, show that freak who's boss!" Cole was still a little peeved at being beaten up, so he was willing to cheer on anyone who wasn't named Cooper.

"If he comes back over here, I'm running." Josh said "I ain't getting it 'coz Cole is a masochist."

"I'll be right behind you, don't worry about it." Striker added "Cole's on his own this time."

"Spear, spear... spear by Edge... c'mon Edge, pin that s.o.b!" Cole was on his feet, cheering.

"Sit down and shut up, Cole. You're gonna get us all in trouble!" Josh added

"I'm already unhooking myself." Striker stated

"Good idea."

Like when the spear was banned, Edge dipped into Christian's bag of tricks, and positioned Cooper for the Unprettier (or the Killswitch, whichever your prefer), but Cooper saw that coming a mile away. He waited until Edge thought he had the hold locked in, then Cooper reversed it into the Verte-breaker, shades of Shane Helms, and covered Edge again.

"One... two..." Edge kicked out at two-and-three-quarters.

"I said stay down." Cooper picked Edge up and looked to tombstone him, but this time Edge slid over the back of Cooper and immediately Edge-ucated him onto his back. Another close pin, and another mark-out moment for the crowd.

"What does Edge have to do to win?" Striked asked "He's thrown everything he's got against Calaway and nothing seems to be able to keep him down..."

A car horn, and obnoxious mariachi-sounding music interrupted the match.

_Fuck me, sideways... not this idiot!_ Cooper rolled his eyes. It was a toss-up which was worse... Alberto Del Rio or his Eddie Munster-lookalike personal ring announcer.

_Just don't get in my way or one of you isn't walking out of here tonight!_

Who Del Rio was trying to distract was a matter for discussion. He was the current number-one contender to Smackdown's top title, but some felt that he could beat either of the men in the ring under the right circumstances. The right circumstances usually involved Ricardo Rodriguez getting involved.

Alberto didn't seem to think he was in any danger at all. He strutted to the ring, his puppet prattling on in Spanish beside him, extoling the virtues of anything and everything that was Alberto Del Rio.

"What's Del Rio doing out here?" Striker asked

"Beats me. Probably scouting." Josh answered. Cole was too busy cheering for Edge to finish the job.

But instead of taking a seat near the commentators, or anywhere else for that matter, Del Rio climbed on the ring apron and started yelling at Edge.

Both Edge and the referee came over to deal with the annoyance that was Alberto. While Del Rio and the ref argued, Cooper took the urn from Bearer and clocked Edge over the head with it, which staggered him right into a tombstone piledriver.

"Hey, ref."

Del Rio was nice enough to jump down off the apron and let the referee turn around to see Cooper covering Edge. He did the only thing he could; he counted.

"One... two... three!"

"Here is your winner and the NEW World Heavyweight Champion... Cooper Calaway!"

"Hold on, hold on, hold on." Del Rio ascended the stairs to the ring. "Before you get any ideas, I didn't do this to help you."

Cooper was more interested in watching Edge get helped backstage than the Mexican Aristocrat that was in front of him.

"Edge, he's not so tough." Alberto said "And as for you, hombrecito, it is my destiny to have that belt."

Cooper looked at the title, then at Alberto, then back at the title. "Even though my Dad is really good at it, I don't run away from my problems. Why don't you show me how you're gonna fulfill your destiny?" He lay the title belt on the mat, daring ADR to do something.

"That would be too easy, amiguito." Alberto still looked smug. There was something about smugness that really pissed Cooper off. "When it's my time, I'll tell you, okay. Just know this... I will be the World Champion and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Actually, there is." Cooper laughed "Kane, are you ready?"

The Big Red Machine walked on stage, carrying two large containers marked GAS.

"I hope you have good fire insurance. Crispy Critter, do your thing!"

Kane poured the contents into the interior of Del Rio's Rolls Royce Convertible and then flicked a match.

"No! Stop!" Alberto shouted. Beside him, Ricardo was also shouting in gibberish.

Kane just laughed. "You want me to stop? Come and beg me?"

Alberto ran halfway up the aisle before Kane decided that maybe Alberto begging wasn't going to be as fun as originally scripted. He tossed the lit match into the back of the car and stepped back as it erupted in flames.

"Hey, Del Rio." Cooper shouted "Still believe there is nothing I can do about it?"

Alberto watched the interior of his very expensive car burn, then turned back to the ring.

"I will..." In his haste to chase after Glenn, Alberto had left his personal ring announcer at the mercy of Jeff and Cooper. Cooper had him in the tombstone position; Jeff was just waiting for Alberto to turn around.

"Drop him, Cooper!" Jeff giggled

_Two shows, three piledrivers... I like that ratio!_

…

"Coopy won! Coopy won! Yay Coopy!"

Cooper shook his head as Connor continued to jump up and down and make an ass out of himself. In celebration of his title win, James had rented out the VIP room of a nearby club and with the exception of Connor, everyone was getting absolutely shitfaced. James was going to have one fuck of a tab to pay for by the time it was all said and done but he obviously didn't give a damn so nobody else was stepping up to do it for him.

"Can I wear the belt Coopy? Can I can I can I?" Connor clasped his hands together and stuck out his lower lip as far as it possibly could go. "Please please please with a cherry and a naked Jeff on top?"

"Hey!" Jeff protested as Cooper perked right up at the naked Jeff part. "Only I get to promise a naked me!"

"Why?" Connor asked. "What makes you so special?"

"It's my body-"

"Not anymore," Connor said in a little sing song voice. "Now shut up and let Coopy answer me."

Cooper sighed as Connor looked at him expectantly. He wanted to say no because Connor touching the belt could very easily lead to disaster but he also didn't want to deal with the fit that would be thrown as soon as he refused. "Well.."

"Well means yes now!" Connor exclaimed triumphantly. "I win!" He snatched the belt and ran off, cackling as he did so.

"Oh that little…Dad! Connor took my belt!"

James groaned. "Why did you let him have it?"

"He stole it!" Cooper complained as he pulled Jeff out of the seat next to him and on to his lap. "Now get it for me. I don't wanna get up."

James rolled his eyes in exasperation but of course he got up and went chasing after Connor so Cooper wouldn't have to do it. It was Cooper's night and James was going to be nice (of course, on any other night, Cooper could have just begged until James did it-he could play the spoiled brat part almost as well as Connor did if he felt like it).

"Matt!" Jeff yelled, impatiently banging his hands on the table. "Go get us some drinks."

Matt looked away from Randy and shook his head. "I'm not your slave Jeff. You can go get them yourself."

Jeff shook his head. "Nope. I forgot how to walk."

Matt didn't buy that one for a single second. "If Cooper said he wanted to leave so you guys could fuck, your ability to walk would somehow return-"

"But he hasn't said that," Jeff pointed out. "So I still can't walk. And you know Matt, it's his night, and since I'm with him, it's my night to by default. That means you should quit being the world's biggest douche nugget and get us some damn drinks!"

"Douche nugget…?" Matt looked at Cooper, who just smirked. That insult came from him and he was full prepared to use it himself if more alcohol didn't come within reaching distance.

"Oh forget the douche nugget! Captain Charisma is here to save the day!" Jay announced as he set an entire tray of shots down on the table. "How's this for drinks?"

Cooper nodded in appreciation as he and Jeff both grabbed several for themselves. "You're like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny if they both brought booze to all the girls and boys." He downed two shots in succession, shaking his head as the rum burned his throat. He was more of a tequila guy himself but he wasn't going to complain. Booze was booze and that was what was important to him. "And you don't discriminate against naughty kids and Jews."

"Nope," Jay confirmed. "I don't spread hate. Only love." He looked back over at Adam, who was busy talking to Glenn. "Yo! Copeland! Come over here!"

Adam put up his hand and motioned for Jay to wait a minute so he could finish up his conversation with Glenn before coming over to join them. "What's up?" he asked as he plopped down next to Jay.

"Drink," Jay ordered, handing Adam one of the shot glasses. "I'm Santa Jay Bunny and I don't discriminate against anyone, even the losers."

Adam rolled his eyes and elbowed his best friend in the ribs. "Fuck you dude. At least when I'm injured I don't have to tag along to these kinds of things just so I don't have to stay home and jack off again."

"Oooh that hurts Adam," Jay said. He put his hand over his heart and shook his head. "You cut me deep man."

"Yeah well…" Adam shrugged and held up his shot glass. "It's what I do." He down the contents in the glass and slammed it down on the table. "So cheers to that."

Jeff downed another shot, slightly behind Cooper because he had just downed another two shots (Lawsons and Calaways both had histories with alcoholism…something Cooper clearly was not thinking about at the moment). "You're not upset that Coopy beat you, are you Addy?" He grabbed Cooper's hand and began playing with his fingers. "Cuz you shouldn't be. He's a giant, he can beat up anyone."

Adam snorted. "He's only three inches taller than I am."

"So? He's still a giant and you're not so you shouldn't take it personally that he can squash you."

Cooper chuckled and downed yet another shot. "Yeah, don't take it personally. I just naturally kick ass."

Adam only rolled his eyes at the tipsy couple. "Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. Just don't get too cozy with that title. I'll be winning it back soon enough."

Cooper only scoffed in response. Adam could think that all he wanted. It didn't mean it had a chance in hell of happening.

"And here you are!" James said as he triumphantly returned with the title belt. Connor was following him, trying his best to reclaim the belt so he could run off with it again but James wasn't having any of it. "Trade you the belt for a shot."

"Sounds fair to me." Cooper handed over a shot and gladly took his belt back, inspecting it to make sure Connor hadn't damaged it in any kind of way. "You're lucky," he informed his younger brother when he saw his belt was still in good condition.

Connor stuck out his tongue defiantly. "Mean! You're a mean mean infidel and I WILL get that belt back!"

"Over my dead body you will!"

"That can be arranged."

James shook his head at the two of them. "Boys that's enough." He grabbed Connor and jerked his head towards Glenn. "Let's go torture Crispy. I bet I can torture him better than you can."

"Nuh uh! I can do everything better than YOU Daddy!" Connor took off running so he could go prove himself right and Jay just shook his head.

"How do you put up with them?"

Cooper shrugged. "They're family. I have a higher tolerance for their insanity than most could even dream of." He grabbed the last glass and downed it. "Now go get us another tray. If I remember anything besides winning the title, I will consider this night to be a total failure."

…

Three hours later Cooper and Jeff were stumbling through the hallways of their hotel, trying to find their room and just utterly failing at it. They were both completely smashed and really shouldn't have been wandering around on their own. James was supposed to be with them but he had gotten drunk himself and was having a hard enough time keeping track of Connor, so Cooper and Jeff hadn't had a hard time ditching him.

"Is it this one?" Jeff asked as he grabbed the nearest doorknob and began pulling on it.

Cooper shook his head. "No. It's down theres…somewhere." He hooked his arm around Jeff's waist and pulled him close so he could half carry, half drag him down the hallway. "We were closer to the pool, 'member?"

Jeff hiccupped before giggling drunkenly. "Oh yeah! I 'member." He twisted himself around in Cooper's grasp so they were facing each other. "You promised me a pool fuck." He hooked his legs around Cooper's waist and began kissing and nipping at his neck. "You diz. You promised me pool fuckz."

Cooper groaned as he felt Jeff's teeth on his neck. "Mmmm…" He could barely remember his own name, let alone what he had promised Jeff while sober. "Laterz." He got the card key out of his pocket and struggled with it for a good couple of minutes with trying to use it. When he finally managed to get it right, he opened the door and hurried inside of it, barely getting the door kicked shut before placing Jeff on the bed and hurriedly removing both of their clothes. "Need you now."

Jeff let out another drunken giggle before helping Cooper with the removing of the clothes. Once they were both completely naked, Cooper pushed himself inside of Jeff, hissing at the tight fit around his cock.

"Ow!" Jeff howled, the lack of lubrication really taking a toll on him. "Jerk face." He grabbed Bunny and whacked Cooper in the face with him. "Bunny says take that!"

"Sorry," Cooper mumbled. He pinned Jeff's arm down so Bunny couldn't be used as a weapon again and started thrusting when he felt Jeff's legs wrap around his waist. "I'll makes it ups to you."

"You better," Jeff said.

"I will. I'm a man of my word…that word is not the bird." He laughed maniacally and thrusted harder, also wrapping his hand around Jeff's cock and stroking it.

"Mmm fuck!" Jeff moaned, arching up into Cooper's hand. "Hurry Coopy. Make me cum so we can fuck in the pool."

Cooper grinned. "Is this going to be our new thing. Fucking in pools?"

"All across the country," Jeff confirmed happily. "Here, there, everywhere…"

That sounded like a plan to Cooper. He started thrusting even faster, his own release coming first and Jeff's just seconds later. They laid there panting for a moment before Cooper got up and then threw Jeff over his shoulder.

"I'll race to the pool…if I 'member were the hell it is."


	5. Chapter 5

"This has got to stop! Somebody do something!"

Michael Cole was his usual whiny self and Cooper couldn't have been happier. Despite being dropped on her head a week ago, Vickie had somehow managed to invoke Dolph's rematch clause for the world title. It didn't matter, to her at least, that Dolph's original match wasn't with the current champion. Dolph himself didn't seem too happy, but what could he do?

Cole's whining might have had something to do with the fact that Dolph was in the process of receiving his third tombstone of the match. To his credit, the blond continued to kick out, which only made the match prolong, which only made Vickie scream louder, which only gave Cooper a bigger headache, which only pissed him off more, which then made him piledrive Ziggler again. The cycle continues...

Eventually Ziggler stayed down for the three count.

"Here is your winner and still World Heavyweight Champion... Cooper Calaway!"

But instead of Cooper's theme playing, the entire arena went black.

_What the fuck is this? Someone's gonna get their head bashed in. _Cooper could hear the audience's confused murmurrs, so at least he wasn't the only one.

He happened to look up at the 'tron when images starting flashing across the screen. It was a repeat of the 2-21-11 promo from that week's RAW broadcast.

_Why would they be running that on this show? The twenty-first is a Monday, any moron knows that._

"Gimme a mic!" He shouted. "Dad... if this is you trying to bait me into something, then it ain't gonna work. I've put you down before and I am going to rid the WWE of you if it takes what's left of your miserable career to do it! You're the master of the mind games... well, this is one guy who won't fall for them!"

The crowds were yelling, trying to either drown him out, or hoping that their chants of "Undertaker" would prompt the Dead Man to appear.

_That's not gonna happen. Dear old 'Taker is probably curled up in bed with... oh God, icky thoughts... icky thoughts! _

Cooper had to mentally slap himself to get back into character, fortunately just as normal lighting was restored.

"If that's supposed to scare me Dad, then you obviously don't know who your dealing with. My path to greatness has only just begun and our path of destruction will eclipse even that. Everyone's been asking 'Who are we?' Well, it's really quite simple. We" Cooper pointed to himself, Jeff, Kane, and yes even Bearer. "are a family."

"Oh Yessss..." Paul took the microphone. "I am the father of destruction and my seeds have been sown. Undertaker, you chose to ignore the path that I had set and now look at you. You're only a shell of the man I created!"

"Big brother, you had the opportunity to join us, but you chose to make your own way. Your mind games will not work this time. We are more powerful than anything you can create. We are stronger than any mind games you can play, and we are united." Kane panted

"We have one goal and that is total domination." Coming from the twink of the group, the comment almost made Cooper break character. "Cooper has started it by taking the World title, a World title you once held and that is only the beginning. No one will stop us... not you, not anybody!"

"While our reasons for coming together are different, we are united in a common goal... to rid the WWE of the Undertaker. But, unlike you Dad, we're not gonna play the coward's game. We will continue to desecrate your 'creatures of the night' until you man up and show up. You won't know when or where, but heed my words we WILL draw you out." Cooper took back the microphone and glared at the Titantron, as if he was daring Mark to appear. "And when we do, like I said before, you will REST IN PEACE."

"Welcome to the Family" blared across the arena as the "Family" left the ring, stopping once or twice to make threatening advances toward members of the WWE universe. Some of the fans were downright rude, and the only thing stopping Cooper from doing something is he didn't want to waste his inheritance on legal fees.

As soon as they were off-camera, they broke ranks and broke character. Jeff bounded away to look for a vending machine that sold Skittles, Paul mumbled something about 'heathens and fornicating' and slunk off and Glenn disappeared to do whatever it was he did. Cooper immediately went looking for his gear. He needed to make a call.

...

When he had his pills, the pain in his shoulder was almost bearable. When he didn't, even simple things like answering the telephone with that arm was almost impossible. James playing nurse wasn't much help either, since he spent most of his time swearing at the stove for burning his food, television for not being something he wanted to watch, or Spike for just being stupid.

"Phone." Mark yelled, hearing a familiar ringing from the kitchen.

"I ain't deaf, Marky..." James ran by with the fire extinguisher (again) on his way to answer it.

"Casa De Lawson... hey, Cooper, you killed Bearer yet?"

Mark groaned. He had a bad feeling that one of these days Cooper was gonna kill his grandfather just to shut James up about it.

"Yeah, he is." James said "Marky, pick up the phone! It's Cooper!"

Mark moved into a more comfortable position to pick up the receiver with his good arm.

"Hey, son."

"Why didn't you pick up your cell?" Cooper demanded "I've been dialing and dialing..."

"I had it turned off while I was asleep and I guess the Old Man just forgot to turn it back on." Mark placed a pillow across the arm rest so he could put some weight on the shoulder while he talked. "What's up?"

"This may sound stupid, and I don't know if you'd tell me anyway, but what's going on with your return?" Cooper asked

"Nothing, as far as I know." Mark answered "My shoulder's still fucked beyond belief. I have to get James to j..."

"I don't wanna know." Cooper blocked out the mental images yet again.

"Sorry. I assume you mean that two-twenty-one-eleven promo." Mark apologized "I have no idea what's going on, really."

"You're not shitting me, are ya?" Cooper motioned Jeff away for a second. He did not want to get distracted and Jeff changing definitely qualified as a distraction.

"The only thing I can say for sure is that when I do come back, I'll be coming back to Smackdown. The twenty-first is a Monday, as far as I know, and unless Creative is being deliberately anal, killing our feud before it starts is not a good thing. Especially when I don't have a lot of time left." Mark replied "Maybe it has something to do with the other rumor?"

"What other rumor?" Cooper asked

"The one about Sting coming to WWE." Mark answered

"Oh." Cooper replied "That. I heard, but everyone I talked to said Sting said he'd never work for Vince."

"But Vince is gone." Mark reminded him. "Maybe Steph and Trips managed to convince him somehow."

"Meh. So I got a few weeks before I have to worry about kicking your ass, then?"

"At least." Mark stated

"Cool. Laterz."

…

Jeff twirled his lollypop around in his mouth as Cooper hung up the phone. "So what did he say?" he asked eagerly. "Is he coming back or-"

"He says he's not," Cooper answered as he stuck his phone back in his pocket. "According to him he has no idea what the whole 2/21/11 promo is all about."

"Do you believe him?"

Cooper just shrugged. "I don't know. He could be telling the truth but maybe he isn't. He's been secretive of his returns with Dad before so I wouldn't put it past him to pull that shit with me. Man takes this shit too seriously sometimes." He flopped down on the chair and sighed. "Either way, it sounds like we're going to have to wait until that day comes to find out for sure."

That was fine with Jeff. He didn't really care who it was Creative was trying to promote. They could do whatever they wanted with that. He had other things on his mind at the moment. "So what are we doing tonight?" he asked as he sat down on Cooper's lap and wrapped his legs around him. "Besides from the obvious?"

Cooper shrugged. "I don't know." He hadn't put much thought of what they could do besides the usual. "What do you want to do?"

"Um…" Jeff started to lean back with the lollypop in his mouth but Cooper snatched it away and stuck it in his own mouth. "Hey! That's mine!"

Cooper just smirked, daring Jeff to do something about it with his eyes. Jeff pouted his lips and tried to use the cute puppy dog look to get his way. When that didn't work out for him, he got a little rougher and bit down on Cooper's neck so he could get his candy back.

"Ooooh, kinky," Cooper said with a smirk. "Me like."

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Meanie. How dare you take my candy?" He stuck his sucker back into his mouth and glared at Cooper. "You're lucky that wasn't my Skittles. Taking those would have been the end of you." He sounded so serious and was trying so hard to be intimidating that Cooper had one hell of a time not busting up laughing at him. "And you know what I think we should do?"

"What?" Cooper's hands were wandering up Jeff's shirt already, making the smaller man shiver at his touch.

"We should spend time with Matt and Randy."

Well that just killed Cooper's mood. "Ugh, do we gotta?" he asked unhappily. "They don't even like me, how am I supposed to have fun?"

Jeff pouted and shook his head. "You gotta _make_ them like you Coopy. The sooner they like you, the sooner Matt will quit being a poopy head and get off my back."

"Love, I hate to break this to you, but Matt will probably never stop being a poopy head." Cooper bumped his forehead against Jeff's and gave him a serious look. "It's just in his nature."

"Yeah but you can try to make him not be that way." Jeff wrapped his arms around Cooper's neck and pouted some more. "Come on please? Pretty please? For me?"

"Ugh…" The pouting was getting to him and he hated it. "Fine. But if I get any shit from them-"

"You won't," Jeff quickly promised. "Imma make sure they'll be nice." He got off Cooper's lap so he could grab his phone. "I promise."

Cooper nodded along, only going along with it because he knew it was what Jeff wanted. _This is going to be a long night…_

…

Forty five minutes later Cooper found himself at a club with Jeff, Matt and Randy, listening to the dance music he normally despised with a fiery passion. Jeff's promise to make sure Randy and Matt had obviously been forgotten after a couple of shots because he had allowed himself to be dragged off by Natalya, Eve and Gail, leaving Cooper all by himself with Matt and Randy. He could tell Matt was definitely trying to look intimidating but all it was doing was making Cooper crack up on the inside. The day he was going to be scared of Matt Hardy…well that day was never going to happen so Matt would just have to get over himself.

"So…" Randy looked back and forth between Matt and Cooper, really getting annoyed by the awkward silence. "Anyone going to say anything?

Cooper just shrugged. He had nothing to say at the moment. He would wait for Matt to open his big mouth before making any kind of comment.

Matt glanced at Randy before zeroing his attention in on Cooper. "So how does it feel to be champion?"

"It feels good," Cooper said, biting back the remark "Not that you would ever know". He didn't think that one would go over too well and he didn't want to upset Jeff by not playing nice.

"A lot of people would love to be in your position right now," Matt went on, sipping on his drink and rocking in his chair. "You gotta be careful around some of them. Being Mark's son means they're treating you with respect to your face but I know a lot of them are not happy that you came in and won that title so quickly."

Cooper only shrugged at that. "Is that supposed to scare me or something?" He hoped not because if it was it was one of the lamest attempts he had ever heard. "If someone has a problem with me, they can take it up with me. I'm not scared of any of them." He looked around, spotting Jeff dancing with the girls. He wanted to get up and join him even though he wasn't much of a dancer but before he could do that Matt was opening his big mouth yet again.

"So how are things between you and Jeff?" Now he was finally just getting to the point. Cooper was glad about that. He hated it when people just kept beating around the bush. It was just annoying as fuck.

"They're great," he answered. "Really, they're absolutely fantastic." Again he had to bite back additional comments that would only end up causing problems. It was horrible having to watch his mouth because that wasn't really his normal nature but he was trying. That really needed to count for something.

"I hope so," Matt said, ignoring the way Randy was looking at him. "Because he's been through a lot, losing Tommy and all. And if I find out that you're treating him less than perfect-"

"You'll kill me?" Cooper guessed.

Matt raised his eyebrows. "Why am I not surprised that's what you would guess?"

Cooper's eyes narrowed. "Now what is that supposed to mean?"

"Well you were raised by a crazy person that did slit my older brother's throat on national television," Matt said while Randy stared at him like he was absolutely insane. At least one of them realized that starting shit with a guy who was both a Lawson and a Calaway was not a good idea. "And its not like he fucking regretted it. And he nearly wrecked-"

"I think you're forgetting that I'm not him," Cooper interrupted. He wasn't about to sit there and get James's previous actions thrown back in his face. He couldn't control his father's past and would not take responsibility for them. "I'm me and I care about Jeff a whole lot. Now I don't know what stick it is you have up your ass about the situation but I would like for you to remove it as soon as possible. It would really do us all a favor if you did." He got up out of his chair and made his way across the crowded dance floor, snatching Jeff by the wrist and pulling him away from the girls so he could dance with him instead.

"Hey Coopy!" Jeff said happily, hooking his arms around Cooper's neck and swaying his hips in time with the music. "Are Matty and Randy being nice?

"Eh," Cooper replied. "Let's not worry about them." He saw Matt and Randy both watching them and he put on a bit of a show by kissing Jeff and starting a make-out session right there in front of everyone. The girls were hooting and hollering and he knew that Matt probably had something to say about it but he didn't care.

He just didn't fucking care.

…

On the next episode of Smackdown, the cameras cut to Matt walking through the hallways, like they did a lot when people were on their way to the ring for their matches. But instead of being the standard ten second or so shot of the person, Jeff stepped into view and prevented his brother from getting any further.

"Matt we gotta talk," Jeff said, acting like Bearer wasn't totally looming in the background.

"Yeah, we do," Matt agreed. He eyes Bearer distrustfully before shaking his head. "What the hell is up with you Jeff? I mean really, associating with…" he nodded at Bearer "THAT? And Kane's a psycho and that Cooper-"

"There's nothing wrong with Cooper," Jeff said, automatically defending his boyfriend. "We're a family Matt. And that's why I've been looking for you." He motioned between himself and Bearer. "We-and Cooper and Kane-want _you_ to join us."

Matt stared at his younger brother incredulously. "What?"

"We want you to join us," Jeff repeated. "This group is about family Matt. And you're _my_ family." He put his arm around Matt's shoulder and squeezed him tightly. "Just think about it. You and me, the Hardy Boyz together again. But with the rest of the Family backing us up, we'll be able to dominate in ways that we never were able to before." He grinned at the thought and looked to Matt, obviously expecting his approval. "What do you say?"

Matt shook his head. "No. No way man. That family you joined is insane." He saw the miffed look on Jeff's face and just shook his head again. "I'm just telling you the truth. It's Manson like man and you need to get yourself out of it." He gave Bearer one last glare, totally not catching the furious look on Jeff's face.

…

Matt was on the verge of hitting the Twist of Fate on Drew McIntyre when the lights went out, leaving the arena plunged in darkness. After a few seconds of that, they turned back on to reveal that the referee and Drew were both down and Matt was surrounded by Jeff, Cooper and Kane. Bearer was on the outside of the ring, shouting his head off because that was what he seemed to be best at. Matt raised his fists, expecting either Cooper or Kane to strike at him first. Jeff took him by surprise with a kick to the groin and a sudden Twist of Hate.

"What in the world?" Josh said as he watched the scene in shock.

"You're shocked by this?" Striker said incredulously. "This is what the Family is all about. Join them or-"

"But Matt is Jeff's brother!" Josh pointed out as Kane got Matt up by his throat and choke slammed him back down. "He can't-"

"Oh come on, someone get out here and stop this!" Cole exclaimed, getting on one of his rampages as Kane and Jeff fed the unconscious Matt directly to Cooper, who gave him a Tombstone piledriver. "This is ridiculous!"

Cooper glanced over at Cole and smirked before dragging Matt over towards the turnbuckles, allowing Jeff to hit the Swanton Bomb so an exclamation point would be put on their message. Referees and security were finally coming to the ring and the fans were booing but it didn't matter. The damage had already been done.


	6. Chapter 6

"Well, that sucked!" Matt groused, while his throbbing skull was getting wrapped in ice and bandages.

"Not my fault." Randy paused in his applications of same. "What did you think would happen when you said 'no'? Jeff would be all okay about it?"

"I didn't expect him to lay me out like that." Matt moaned

"C'mon, Matthew." Randy took the scolding tone he saved for rare occasions when someone was being a total jackass. "You know who he's hanging around with now. Cute and cuddly Jeffro is gone."

"Fuckin' Cooper. I knew it was a mistake to let Jeff get with him." Matt turned a swollen eye to Randy.

"Matt, he lost someone he really loved and if this is the way he's coping..."

"It's not like he's the only one. I lost a brother too!" Matt shouted "You don't see me running around with the same bunch of psychos that caused this."

"Matt, calm down before you burst a blood vessel." Randy finished wrapping Matt's head. "You lost a brother, but Jeff lost a lot more than that."

Matt looked at his lover with a 'don't I know that' expression.

"He might have gone a bit overboard in the ring tonight, but I think he's just making up for all the crap you've put he and Cooper through." Randy answered "You know how Jeff gets when someone tells him something he doesn't want to hear."

Matt sighed, nodding his agreement.

"I honestly don't know how you and Tom put up with him." Randy sat down beside Matt.

"I got used to it, but Tom... " Matt wiped away the tears that always seemed to form whenever he thought of his late big brother.

"Shhhh..." Randy gingerly pulled Matt into his arms. "He's up there watching. You think he wants to see you crying?"

Was Randy talking about heaven or the framed copy of the last issue of the WWE magazine that had all the brothers on the cover that hung over their fireplace? Matt didn't really care.

"I miss him, Randy. Why?" Months had passed and Matt felt that there was no end to his grief. To all his Mattitude followers, he was the same outgoing person he'd always been, but Randy was one of the few who saw the other side. The dark, broody, Matt, who still blamed himself for setting the events that led to Tom's death in motion.

"We've talked about this before." Randy stroked Matt's cheek. "You have to stop blaming yourself for this."

"But I..."

"We've been over this before. Yes, you let Cliff leave and yes, he went back to the club and yes..." Randy decided not to finish that statement when he saw Matt start to tremble at the memories. "But it's time for you to move on... for us to move on. Even though you can't stand with whom it is, Jeff has moved on. It hurts, but I'm here and Cuddles is here and we want the happy Matty that the fans see, right?"

Cuddles nodded.

"Good. Now let's take happy Matty into the bedroom and have some fun!" Randy pecked Matt on the lips, then took him by the arm. Cuddles stayed on the couch. Unlike Bunny and Lizard, he did not like watching Matt and Randy make out.

Speaking of Bunny and Lizard...

"Do you think we went a bit too far tonight?" Jeff asked, pondering the slice of pizza that was in front of him.

"I dunno. It's what they wanted us to do." Cooper answered "I'll admit I enjoyed tombstoning Matt, if that helps."

"Not really." Jeff dropped his slice back on his plate. "Coopy, I's worried about Matty."

"Why?" Cooper asked

"I know you don't like him, but I know him a lot better than you do."

"Or will ever want to." Cooper interrupred "But go on."

"He said he doesn't have a problem with us being together, but I've seen this before."

"You have? You mean Matt being a pissass is normal?"

"Yahs. When he's lonely." Jeff answered "You know what he did last time he was lonely?"

"I sense a long story coming out of this..." Cooper bit into his slice and wished he hadn't when Jeff told him about Matt and Vince.

"You mean your brother was fucking the boss?" Cooper almost choked on his food. It took several punches to the back before Cooper was able to swallow.

"Uh-hmm." Jeff answered "There was lots of badness and in the end Matty killed Vince."

"Now I know you're just telling stories. Matt would never kill anyone." Cooper smiled

"He did." Jeff nodded for emphasis. "Randy was there. He'll tell you."

"Okay, but what does this have to do with anything? He shouldn't be lonely since he's banging the Viper."

"I dunno if he is or what, but this is exactly how he acted. Know what I mean?" Jeff resumed his fascination with the pizza.

"What do you want me to do about it?" Cooper was tired of the Hardy drama. The Calaway Lawson drama was more than enough for two lifetimes. "Matt 'n I are never gonna be friends, so don't even suggest that."

"Mebbe you could try to be nicer to him." Jeff shrugged

"And maybe Connor will grow up. Look, if it means that much to you, I'll try, but I'm not the one acting childish." Cooper replied

"Yay!" Jeff exclaimed

"But I am not spending another night in a club with those two." Cooper laid it on the line. "However, a little tag-teaming is not out of the question."

...

"Daddy daddy daddy..." Connor shouted

"What what what?" James shouted back. "Mark 'n I are trying to watch television."

"When is Coopy coming home again? I wants to wear his belt!" Ever since the party, Connor had been obsessing about Cooper's title belt.

"I don't think he's gonna let you, Con-man." James answered

"Well then he's a meanie... meanie... MEANIE... MEANIE!" Connor started a full-on tantrum.

"Connor..." James warned

"MEANIE!" Connor ran up the stairs and slammed his bedroom door.

James sighed. "Sometimes I don't know..."

"Most times I don't know either." Mark answered

"And he isn't going to calm down until Cooper lets him have it." James answered "Those pills of yours any good for a headache?"

"Probably knock you out." Mark answered

"That's what I wanted to hear." James stated

"You talking about me again?" Connor shouted from the top of the stairs.

"No, we're..."

"MEANIE!" Connor screamed again.

"Ugh..."

"You know, there is a solution to all this." Mark replied

"I know there is, but Cooper is not going to give Connor his championship belt."

"What if we just buy Connor one of the replicas?" Mark asked "Maybe that'll shut the kid up."

"He's not a kid, and you should know better." James almost slapped Mark on his bad arm. Mercifully, he held back. "Unless Cooper gives it to him... are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"Maybe. " Mark smiled

_I thought I was the one with weird ideas._

...

Now while Cooper did promise to try to be nicer to Matt, he knew it was going to be a case of easier said than done. He knew how Matt felt about him and his family; it wasn't like he bothered to keep it a secret. And that was the kicker for Cooper. If Matt wanted to just take an attitude with him, that would have been fine. That would have been all fine and dandy because he could deal with that extremely well. It was when the rest of his family was targeted that he had the tendency to really stop playing nice and started getting extra nasty to people right back.

_Of course, now you gotta try to not do that,_ he reminded himself. _You promised to try to be nice and now you actually gotta do it._

"Ugh," he muttered under his breath. He took one of his cigarettes out of his pocket and stuck it in his mouth and lit it. He knew that this was a habit that probably really needed to be broken given his current career choice but tonight was not going to be that night. He took a long drag and let it out slowly, watching the smoke pour out from his mouth and curl up around his face. He had promised Jeff that he would try to be nice and he would do that. He was a lot of things but a liar was not one of them. He would do his very best to play nice with Matt-as long as Matt didn't get too annoying with him anyway.

He took another drag of his cigarette and checked his watch. Jeff and Glenn were supposed to be meeting him out here so that they could go do some interview and photoshoot with WWE Magazine. It wasn't something Cooper wanted to do but he wasn't really getting too much of a choice in the matter. _Maybe Crispy and Jeff can be so late that they have to cancel it,_ he thought hopefully. _That would be really fucking sweet._

He leaned back against the building he was waiting by and watched as Eve and Gail emerge from one of the buildings from across the street. Almost immediately they were surrounded by fans, most of them men. They stopped to start signing autographs and it was all good until Cooper noticed that there were a group of frat boys that were getting a little too touchy feel-y to be appropriate. One of them got right up on Eve and he and his friends just laughed as she and Gail tried to get push him away.

"Fuck this," Cooper muttered under his breath. He flicked his cigarette away and stormed across the street, ignoring the fact that he almost got hit by a car and just grabbing the guy who was touching Eve by the wrist and bending it back as far as he could.

"OW!" the guy yelled, staring at Cooper in shock. "What-"

"I think you need to keep your hands to yourself," Cooper said, his voice laced with a fake sweetness that made everyone around him nervous. He bent the guy's wrist back just a little more, coming awfully close to just breaking it right then and there. "I think these ladies here will appreciate that. What do you think?"

"Hey man, you can't do that!" one of the guy's friends objected. "That's assault!"

"And what you and him and the rest of your little gang were just doing is called sexual harassment," Cooper shot back. "And believe me, if you think _this_ is an assault, you haven't seen anything yet." He looked to the guy who's wrist he was hurting and glared daggers at him. "Now I think you and your little friends need to run along, you hear me?"

The guy nodded, his face turning white from the pain.

"You guys hear me too?"

The other guys all nodded.

"Good." He let the one guy go and shoved him away. The guy stumbled and fell, and then tripped over himself to get back up so he and his friends could run away.

"Thanks," Eve said gratefully. "Really, that was sweet."

"Eh, it was nothing." Cooper tried to just go back on his way but Eve grabbed his wrist and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Seriously, thank you," she said, giving him a nice big old smile.

"You're welcome," he said, really hoping that the kiss was JUST a thank you one and not anything else. He had enough drama on his plate without some girl suddenly crushing on him. He looked back across the street and saw not only Jeff and Glenn waiting for him, but Randy and Matt were watching him as well. "I gotta go."

"Bye Cooper," both ladies said at the same time as he walked back over across the street to the group that was waiting for him.

"What was that all about?" Glenn asked.

"Nothing really," Cooper replied. "Just had to teach some assholes that just because ladies stop to give autographs doesn't mean they get to put their hands in wrong places."

"Aw," Jeff said, immediately wrapping his arms around Cooper's neck and planting a big kiss on his lips. "You're a knight in shiny armor. That's so sweet." He looked at Matt expectantly. "Isn't that sweet Matty?"

Matt gave Cooper a really long look before slowly nodding. "Yeah, that's sweet."

"Well I try not to be an asshole all the time," Cooper said with an innocent shrug. "It's not fair to the people around me."

Glenn snorted at that and then looked at his watch. "Shit, we're late." He motioned for Cooper and Jeff to follow him. "Come on. We're going to be in enough trouble as it is."

"Aw but I'm hungry," Jeff complained. "Can't we eat first?"

"We don't have time-"

"But-"

"We'll drive-thru somewhere on the way," Cooper said before Jeff and Glenn could get into a fight. "They've waited this long already they can wait a little longer."

"Thank you Coopy," Jeff said, giving Glenn a victorious look before kissing him again. "You're the best."

"Yeah…I try." Cooper snaked his arm around Jeff's waist and looked at Randy and Matt. He decided to just go ahead and make a little attempt at this whole playing nice thing. "You guys want anything?"

Randy and Matt both blinked and exchanged looks before shaking their head. "No," Randy answered for him. "We're good."

"Okay." Cooper tried anyway. He looked at Jeff and Glenn and nodded at them. "Let's rock and roll then."

...

"What the fuck was that all about?" Matt demanded the moment the car carrying Jeff, Glenn, and Cooper was gone.

"What was what?" Randy asked, fumbling in his pockets for his own set of keys.

"That... I mean, Cooper..." Matt held his hands out in total confusion.

"You mean him being nice? I don't understand it either, but I'd go along with it."

Staring in the direction the other car had gone, Matt's head was starting to throb again. "Okay, but that was just" he shuddered "creepy."

...

"Told ya I could be nice." Cooper smiled "Just don't expect it all the time."

"You know what else I like?" Jeff smirked

Cooper nodded and starting kissing his way along Jeff's neck. Things were beginning to heat up when they were interrupted by a loud "Ahem!"

"What?" Cooper looked up, a Connor-like innocent look on his face.

"Just because Paul isn't driving with us, does not mean you two can carry on." Glen announced "Or I will pull this car over and..."

"And what... spank us?" Jeff giggled

Glenn blushed. "I was thinking a choke slam for the two of you, but that would also work."

"Admit it, Uncle Crispy... you like watching us make out!" Teasing his Uncle was always fun, and Cooper loved to push the envelope.

_And I damn near got killed helping these two... _Glenn rolled his eyes. Thankfully, the car ride wasn't much longer.

Paul was waiting for them when they pulled into the studio for the photo shoot. He tapped his watch.

"Hey! You said we were gonna get drive-through!" Jeff whined

"That was before you started fornicating again!" Glenn laughed, Paul rolled his eyes, and Jeff stomped his feet like a petulant five-year-old. "I know, I know..."

They walked inside. The studio had been set up like something out of a Rob Zombie flick, complete with coffins, chains, and so forth.

"The only thing missing is Mark..." Cooper mumbled "This looks like his playroom."

"Did I hear someone mention my name?"

"What the fuck... dead man... what the hell are you doing here?"

He was in his black coat and hat, so obviously he wasn't just out for a leisurely drive.

"Steph wants me to do a couple of promo shots with y'all..."

"I knew it!" Jeff shouted "I knew you was coming back! Tell 'im Coopy!"

"I am not coming back for 2-21-11. I can barely lift my arm right now." Mark said "All they said is they want a few shots in case I do return."

Cooper shrugged. "Whatever, Marky Mark..."

"Okay, Mr. Lawson, Mr. Hardy, we're ready for you." The director interjected

"Before you go, there is one other thing I need to talk to you about. It concerns Connor." Mark whispered

"What?" Cooper was very overprotective of him, despite all the shit that went down between the pair.

"Nothing bad... James and I..., well I mostly,..."

"Mr. Lawson... now, please."

"We'll talk later, Mark." Cooper hated being bossed around, and this pretentious little guy, even though he was obviously gay and good looking, was starting to drive him insane.

Mark nodded. _If Cooper agrees to this, I'll shit silver dollars from a platinum asshole..._


	7. Chapter 7

"Coopy, I don't wanna!" Connor whined "I wants to play with Snoopy!"

"Connor, just calm the fuck down for a bit and get in the damn car!" Cooper yelled "Snoopy will still be here when you come home."

"I want Daddy to come too!"

"Daddy can't." Cooper said "He's got other things to do!" _That and he pushed his luck last time... _"This won't take too long and I'll buy you ice cream afterward, okay?"

"Chocolate chip?" Connor asked

"Whatever flavor you want" Cooper replied "Just promise you'll behave."

"I always behave!" Connor stated. Cooper almost broke out in laughter, but after what Mark said, and all the strings the two of them pulled, Connor had to go through with this. Thankfully WWE was running a house show less than an hour away.

"Then put your seatbelt on and let's go."

With thoughts of ice cream flooding Connor's mind, he was willing to almost do anything Cooper asked. Almost...

Connor was very well-behaved during the car ride, except for playing "Surfin' Bird" the whole time. Cooper wished he could go back in time and kill the fuck out of whoever wrote that song, especially after hearing it over and over and over again. They pulled into the arena and Connor immediately looked concerned.

"Coopy, what's going on?"

"Just come in. You know Daddy's banned from these events, but you're not. I thought you might wanna see backstage since you keep bothering me about work." Cooper replied, lying smoothly as usually.

"You sure it's okay? I not get in trouble, right?"

"Of course not." Cooper grabbed his bag, and his championship belt from the trunk. Usually every time Connor saw the belt, he whined and whined for Cooper to let him have it, but not this time. This shocked Cooper completely, but he took it as a stroke of good luck. Once inside, Cooper headed right for the locker rooms.

"Uh, Coopy..." Connor didn't like the way some of the people were staring at him.

"Relax, Connor... hey Chioda..."

WWE's senior referee looked over and nodded.

"Everything set?" Cooper asked

"Yeah." He answered "This must be Connor."

"Who are you?" Connor asked, holding close to Cooper. Strangers still scared him a little.

"That's Mike. He's one of our referees and he's gonna help us out tonight."

"Oh. I likes ice cream!" Connor announced proudly.

"I'm sure you do." Chioda answered. Like he did with most people, Connor made him nervous so he stuck with looking more at Cooper. "How long do you need?"

"Just give me enough time to get changed." Cooper answered "Then we can start. Now Connor, you be a good boy and..."

"Nattie!" Connor had seen the former WWE divas' champion and rushed over to her, startling her with a big hug.

"Eek!" Natalya shrieked, then realized who it was. "Connor, what are you doing here?"

"Coopy's showin' me around." Connor stated

"Cool. Do you want me to watch him, Cooper?"

"That would be fuckin' awesome. If you could keep him busy for ten minutes..."

Natalya nodded.

"I'll be right back... give this to the guys in the booth." Cooper slipped the CD that had been the only source of music for their road trip into Mike's hands. "Track five."

Chioda nodded and sprinted in one direction while Cooper went in the other. _This better fuckin' work, Mark, or you and I are gonna have problems..._

...

Despite the fact, the only people in attendance at that hour were the crew, Tony Chimel still began with "Ladies and Gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the World Heavyweight Championship..."

"Coopy...?" Connor looked confused "Why are you fighting?"

Cooper just smiled.

"Introducing first, representing the Family, weighing in at two hundred fifty-seven pounds, he is the World Heavyweight Champion... Cooper Calaway..."

Avenged Sevenfold began to play.

"Just wait here until someone tells you to move." Connor looked scared that he was being left alone.

Cooper made his way down to the ring in his usual entrance, only without Bearer, who would've spoiled everything just to piss Cooper off.

"And his opponent..."

"Surfin' Bird" started to play.

"I loves this song." Connor squealed and started to sing along with it.

"...and challenger. Weighing one hundred eighty-five pounds... 'the Con-man', Connor Lawson."

"Go!" One of the agents pointed to the curtain. Connor was confused.

"Cooper's waiting for you in the ring."

"Okies." Connor didn't quite understand what was going on, but if big brother wanted him in the ring, then that was okay. Maybe this was part of the tour. "Whatsy Coopy... uhh Coopy?"

"Connor, I put up with you stealing my belt once and that was enough." Cooper said in his character voice. "The only way you're gonna touch my belt is if you beat me for it, so you better prepare for the fight of your life. Ring the fuckin' bell."

Chioda signalled for the bell to start.

Cooper started stalking Connor, who was still unsure of what was going on. "Coopy... what's going on?"

"C'mon Connor, fight." Cooper goaded his little brother. "Or are you scared?"

"I is not!" Conor put his hands on his hips. "I am Con-man!"

"You are chicken shit!" Cooper slapped him across the face, a lot more lightly than a normal opponent, but not as hard as he had in the past.

"Owie! Coopy, that hurted!" Connor rubbed his cheeck.

"So? I've hit you harder." Cooper taunted him, then slapped him again. Connor was not really smart, but one thing he had learned from James was that if someone hit you once, give them the chance to leave and live, but if they did it again, it was their fault what happened.

Connor growled, then charged at Cooper, knocking him down and punching him in return.

"Bad Cooper!" he shouted "You hurted me!"

Cooper made little attempt to fend off his brother's punches. He'd fought with Connor many times before and there wasn't much his little brother could do to hurt him, but some of the blows still stung. Once the side of his head started to go numb, he rolled over, pinning Connor to the mat for a brief moment. Once Connor figured out what Cooper was doing, he kneed him in the stomach and rolled away.

"I am Con-Man." He announced for the second time. "You can't beat me that easily. I fight for justice, honor, and ice cream!"

Cooper shrugged and charged his little brother. Connor jumped aside and Cooper hit the turnbuckles, chest-first. He staggered back into the middle of the ring, where Connor clotheslined him onto his back.

_Where'd he learn to do that? _Half the guys in the locker room didn't throw heat as well as Connor did, yet Cooper could not recall him ever even sitting still long enough to watch a whole match.

"Connor, where did you..." Cooper got back up, but Connor was nowhere to be found.

"Up here, Coopy." Connor taunted him.

Cooper turned around and saw Connor, standing atop the far turnbuckles. "Eep..." was all Cooper had time to think before Connor flew, Superfly-esque, and took him to the mat. Cooper was legitimately stunned.

"One... two... three... that's it!"

"Here is your winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion... Con-Man Connor Lawson."

"I wins?"

"Here you go." Chioda handed Connor the title belt. Actually it was one of the replica titles, but thanks to Mark pulling a few strings, it looked as real as Cooper's, which was safely stored away.

"Coopy, I wins... Hahahaha! I is champ and you is not!" Connor danced around the ring with his new 'title'.

On the mat, Cooper was still pretending to be hurt, but he was happy that the deception had worked. Hopefully Connor would forget all about it in a few days.

_If not, I'm sure Dad and I can come up with some excuse... we better..._

…

"I won Daddy! I won I won I won I won I won-"

"Did you?" James's entire mouth was twitching as he listened to Connor babble excitedly. It was practically impossible to really get any kind of word in with Connor talking this much but he was making an attempt. If he didn't at least try Connor would just keep going on and on all night.

"YES!" Connor shouted so loud that James had to put the phone away from his ear because he had gotten that loud. "I did! I beat Coopy and now he's NEVER EVER going to get his title back." He cackled madly, making James shake his head on the other end.

"Hey! Dipshit! Hand the phone back over so I can talk to him," Cooper interrupted.

"NO!" Connor shouted. "You're a LOSER I don't have to listen-OW! Daddy Coopy kicked-hey!"

James let out a long sigh as he listened to Cooper and Connor's struggle for the phone. _Kids…_

"Come on, let me talk to him," Cooper said impatiently. "I'll get you candy if you do-"

"You promise?" Connor said warily.

"Yes I promise. Just go over and show Jeff your belt while I talk to Dad."

"OOOHHH Jeff you haven't SEEN it yet!" James heard Connor scurry off and he cringed for Jeff's sake. Now it was Jeff's turn to never hear the end of it.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Cooper muttered while chuckling. "It's like we shot him up with crack Dad, he's just going and going-"

"If he sees you on TV with the actual belt we're going to have some explaining to do," James said with a wince.

"I know…let's leave it up to Mark, it was his idea to begin with."

"I like that plan. Let's go with it." Now that that was settled, James had something else to ask. "When are you bringing him home? And when are _you_ coming home?" It got really hard to sound casual with that question and it made Cooper sigh on the other end.

"Soon," he promised. "Alright? We-Connor, just because you have a shiny belt does NOT mean you get to eat things off the floor now!"

"But it's candy!" Connor whined. "I want the candy Coopy!"

"Ugh…Dad I gotta go. Connor's going to eat everything off the floor if I don't get him some actual candy to snack on. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay."

…

"Now see, Cooper's done," Jeff said as Cooper hung up the phone. He was trying his best to keep Connor from eating the "candy" off the floor but it was a lot harder than it sounded. "He'll go get you some good candy. You want good candy don't you?"

"Yeah!" Connor said excitedly. He jumped up and down and looked at Cooper impatiently. "Get me some candy Coopy! I want candy!"

"Okay okay," Cooper said with a roll of his eyes. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Let's go-" He stopped when he saw the look on Jeff's face. "What?" He rolled his eyes at the puppy dog eyes and pout he got in return. "You want me to get you candy too?"

Jeff nodded. "Of course! You can't get him candy without getting me some too. That wouldn't be fair."

"But I get more candy than you!" Connor declared obnoxiously. "Because I'm the champion!" He looked at Cooper for support. "Isn't that right Coopy?"

"Let's just go get the damn candy." Cooper wasn't being dragged into this argument. He led them out of the room and down the hallway to the vending machine, tuning out the sounds of the argument Jeff and Connor were getting into. "What do you want Connor?" he asked when they got to the machine. He was already buying Jeff his Skittles without even having to be told.

"Umm…um…ooh they have cookies in there Cooper! I want the cookies!"

"Okay okay, don't spin out of orbit on me." Cooper stuck the dollar into the machine and started to press the buttons for the little bag of cookies. "And don't let this spoil-"

"HEY! It's that little Eddie Munster guy! He hasn't seen MY new belt!" Connor was off and running before Cooper could even turn all the way around. Once he did, he groaned out loud. Connor was going right up to Ricardo Rodriguez (who was carrying Del Rio's bags) and Del Rio himself and he amped up his obnoxious side to way beyond what it usually was.

"Hey! Look what I have!" Connor showed off his belt and bounced around excitedly. "I won the belt from Coopy so I has it now! I have a belt and you don't! HA!" He was laughing right in Alberto's face, which just seemed to amuse the Mexican Aristocrat.

"Wow, you must feel pretty special," Alberto said, pushing Ricardo to the side so he was face to face with Connor. "But you know, it's my destiny to win that title. And if it's yours now, that means I'll be coming after you instead."

Cooper and Jeff exchanged looks. Alberto's voice was just full of smugness and it didn't set well with either one of them. Connor was completely oblivious though.

"YOU don't get a title shot," he declared with a stomp of his foot. "I'm gonna be champion forever and ever and you don't get it because you're a big doo doo head."

Alberto raised his eyebrows. "I'm a doo doo head?"

"Yes!"

"Well why don't you tell Cooper over there how much of a doo doo head I am?"

"I will!" Connor turned his head back to face the approaching Cooper. "Hey Coopy! He's a big do-" The belt was snatched right out of his hands and Del Rio nailed him hard in the mouth with it. Connor screeched in pain and surprise and Cooper went ballistic, the situation getting even worse the moment he saw that Connor's mouth was bleeding. He shoved Ricardo out of the way violently before tackling Del Rio down to the ground, wrapping one hand around his throat and using the other one to start pummeling him within an inch of his life.

"Cooper!" Jeff yelled, his eyes just about popping out of his head. "Cooper don't!"

"Do it Coopy!" Connor encouraged. His mouth was pouring blood and it wouldn't be surprising if one of his teeth had been knocked out. "Get him! He's MEAN and he hurted me!"

"What the HELL is going on here?"

Jeff gasped, Connor frowned and Cooper looked back to see an angry Stephanie glaring at him. _Oh shit…this isn't good…_


	8. Chapter 8

Back when he was in school, Cooper always found himself in the principal's office for one reason or another. Luckily that shit had ended after he had dropped out but now he felt like he was right back there once more, only Stephanie was a lot more intimidating than his old principal used to be. "Can you not look like you want to kill me?" he finally asked. He knew it wasn't the brightest to give an angry McMahon any kind of lip but he was going for it anyway. "It's not a look I'm enjoying…" He sighed when Stephanie's eyes narrowed even more. "Okay okay! Forget I said anything!"

Stephanie just shook her head in irritation. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" She sounded so very beyond pissed and disappointed in him, which wasn't having quite the effect that she was probably intending it to. "Have you completely lost your mind? Wait…don't answer that." She did know his family at least well enough to know that sanity was not overflowing in the Lawson clan.

"He hurt Connor," Cooper said defensively. Connor was currently in the training room getting patched up and Jeff was watching over him. Del Rio had been put in another training room in order to keep the peace because Connor had started yelling about how he was going to tell his daddy on him. To most it just sounded like an immature threat but Cooper, Stephanie and Jeff all knew better. James would go absolutely positively apeshit if he were to find out what happened to Connor. Connor was his baby and nobody messed with him and got away with it. To put it simply, Alberto Del Rio was a dead man and he didn't even know it yet. "He fucking smashed him in the mouth with the belt and made him bleed! What was I supposed to do?"

Stephanie slowly shook her head again and leaned forward across her desk. "Why was he even here Cooper? I know the ban only really extends to your father but given your family's history, it should go without saying that I should get ample warning before they show up uninvited!"

"Unin-Steph, didn't Mark tell you?" Cooper could tell by the look on her face that Mark had neglected to do any such thing. _He's so dead when I get my hands on him_.

"Tell me what?" she asked.

Cooper took a deep breath before launching into the explanation. "Look, ever since I won the title, Connor's been throwing fits because he wanted it. And he's not exactly in any state of mind to understand why I can have it and he can't so Mark decided to have a really good replica made of the belt and then I brought Connor here so he could "beat" me for it and win it from me and feel all special. You should have seen him Steph, he was all happy and shit…he really does think he won the real thing and I would rather him keep thinking that. We'll never hear the end of it if he finds out otherwise." He was prepared to beg her to help not let Connor find out the truth because the fit Connor would throw if he found out the truth was just way too scary to think about.

"And how did Del Rio get involved in all of this?"

"Well see I was getting Connor and Jeff some candy out of the machine and Connor was still all excited and he saw that jackass and his manservant and decided to show off a little. He didn't mean anything bad by it. He was a little obnoxious sure but he was a kid with a new toy. He-"

"Okay Cooper, I get it," Stephanie assured him. "You don't need to drive it into my head like a railroad spike."

"Sorry," Cooper said sheepishly.

She seemed to accept the apology although she still looked far from happy. "Look, given the state I saw Connor's mouth in and the fact that Jeff is not only backing you up but I know for a fact Del Rio is a slime ball, I believe you and I'll cut you a break this time. BUT-"

_Uh oh,_ he thought to himself. _This won't be good._

"-there's a condition to that break." She gave him a very serious look to make sure he was listening before explaining what that break was. "This company has invested a lot of time and money into Del Rio-"

Cooper was about to ask why they would do such a thing but the look on her face told him now was not the time to do so. Not unless he wanted some serious trouble anyway.

"-and that will all go to waste if he were to suddenly…"disappear". And as a business woman I cannot allow that to happen. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Keep Dad away from Del Rio," Cooper concluded. This idea was going to be a disaster already and he knew it.

"Exactly."

"You know I can't guarantee that. If Connor spills the beans-"

"Well maybe you should find a way to make him not do that."

"That's easier said than done," he pointed out bluntly. "Even if I get Connor to promise me he'll keep his mouth shut there's no telling if he'll forget and blab to Dad as soon as I'm not around. I'm not home all the time anymore, I can't control what those two talk about."

"Well you better make a really good attempt at it," she informed him. "A really REALLY good attempt…or else. You hear me?"

He sighed and nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I hear you."

…

"I HATE that meanie Coopy!" Connor said as soon as Cooper entered the training room. He was sitting up on the table and his mouth was bruised and there was a big cut on his lower lip that was not going to go unnoticed by James. "I hate him I do! I want him to DIE!"

"Connor!" Jeff exclaimed as he looked around nervously for the trainer, who had stepped out of the room to get something and had thankfully not come back yet. "You can't talk like that here!"

"Why not?" Connor asked with a frown. "It's the truth! It's good to tell the truth. " He looked to Cooper for confirmation. "Isn't that right Coopy?"

"Usually," Cooper admitted. "But in this case you really should keep that opinion to yourself."

"Why?"

"Because Jeff's right. You can't say that stuff here." Cooper noticed that he was losing Connor's attention so he snapped his fingers in front of Connor's face and then grabbed him by the jaw when his hand almost got slapped away. "Listen to me. There's something very important I need to talk to you about."

Connor whined and tried to wiggle away but Cooper refused to let him go. "You can't tell Dad about what happened, you understand me?"

Connor let out another whine and kicked Cooper in the shin so he could get away this time. "Why not?" He kicked Cooper again out of anger. "Why not Coopy?"

"Because-

"He hurted me! I wanted Daddy to hurt him back!"

Cooper rolled his eyes and grabbed a hold of Connor once more so he could give him a good shake. "Listen damn it! If you tell Dad about what happened, he'll kill Del Rio. And if he does that then I'm going to get in trouble. Do you want that to happen?"

"No…but-"

"No. No buts. You keep your mouth shut about it, alright?"

Connor pouted and slowly nodded.

"Say it," Cooper ordered.

"I'll keep my mouth shut. Now let GO!" Connor pushed Cooper away and went off to sulk in the corner.

Jeff shook his head and stepped over so he could whisper to Cooper without Connor overhearing them. "Do you think he'll not say anything?"

Cooper snorted. "Hell no. He'll tell as soon as we get home. I'm just hoping that since I tried that Stephanie will have some mercy on me when the shit all hits the fan."

…

"Goddammit... why the hell doesn't Mark ever keep his fuckin' phone on when I want to call him? I've been trying to reach him for almost two days!"

Usually Cooper didn't stress about stuff too much, at least he didn't stay sober long enough to stress, but the last thing he wanted was to be linked to the death of another Superstar. That's exactly what was going to happen if he didn't talk to Mark first. Maybe he could divert just enough of James' anger when Connor eventually did blab so that Del Rio did not meet a gruesome end, an end that would probably finish off his WWE career as well.

"Uh, Coopy..." Jeff said

"Not now, I'm trying to get a hold of Mark. Fuckin' voice mail... Mark, I know you're there doing something I don't want to think about..."

"Coopy!" Jeff insistently tugged on his sleeve.

"I said not now." Cooper yanked himself free from Jeff's grasp. "Anyway, the plan worked, but you forgot to tell Stephanie and now I'm in shit with her because of Connor and..."

"Cooper!" Jeff shouted in his ear.

"Call me back, motherfucker before I come find you." Cooper slammed his phone closed. "What is so fuckin' important?"

"That." Jeff pointed to the television screen.

_Holy shit balls..._

...

To Cooper's relief, Del Rio seemed to be in one piece when he saw him the following day for the Smackdown taping. He and Ricardo gave Cooper a wide berth as soon as they noticed the champion heading toward them. At least Connor had kept his promise for one day.

"Fuckin' right, assholes." Cooper muttered "Just keep movin'."

"You gots them scared, Coopy." Jeff nuzzled against him.

"If they're smart, they'll stay scared" Cooper answered "and please don't call me Coopy at work, okay?"

"Okies... you buy me candy?" Jeff pointed

Cooper sighed. It was like taking care of a young child, but with every day that went by, he fell more in love with Jeff. He looked at their clasped hands and smiled. At Jeff's insistence, he'd accepted the ring that had belonged to Tommy months ago, but had never worn it. Some small rational, non-psychotic, part of his brain kept telling him that it wouldn't be fair to the memory unless wearing it actually meant something. With each passing day, Cooper thought maybe he should make it mean something.

"Hey Lawson, would you hurry up and get your stuff... you ain't the only one in line."

Cooper shook his head, realizing he'd fogged out for a moment. He could only wonder what he looked like standing at a vending machine with a blank look on his face.

"Fuck you, Cole." Cooper barked "This ain't RAW. Your boyfriend the Miz ain't here to protect you and if you think that I won't pull a work and piledrive you right here, you're mistaken."

Michael Cole backed away, mumbling something that Cooper, had he heard, would've probably ended his life over.

"Here're your Skittles, Jeff." Cooper tossed three red packages to the anxious Hardy. "Eat up, 'coz we got to go to the creative meeting in ten minutes."

Jeff paused from stuffing his face. "Why? I don't wanna... they're boring and stupid and..."

_Fuck, another Connor!_

"Fine." An argument with Jeff was not what he wanted right now. "Sit here and pig out while I deal with this, but don't complain to me if you start looking like Matt after all this junk food."

"Matt is not fat!" Jeff protested

Cooper rubbed his temples. The headache he'd been nursing since the weekend was back and it hurt like a bitch.

...

To Cooper's surprise, only he was scheduled to appear on that week's episode of Smackdown. It was a nice surprise, since he didn't have to deal with Bearer and Glenn being cock blockers.

On cue, he entered the ring, and stared at everyone. Someone was going to get hurt, but who?

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's going on around here. Dear old Dad is scared to face me so he ran like the coward he is. Nothing new, eh, Dad? You ran away from your responsibilities as a father to me and now you're trying to run away again." He chuckled "But this time you're not going to be able to because I won't allow it."

The fans were either too scared to boo at him, or they were waiting to see who would be the next victim. Either way, the arena was unnaturally silent.

"You can run to RAW; you can pretend that I don't exist, but I will get what I want. What I want is your dead ass in this ring tonight!"

"Smart move." Striker said "Calling out the Undertaker when he knows that he isn't here."

"He's scared." Cole bravely stated "He knows that if the Undertaker were here, he wouldn't stand a chance against him."

Cooper looked over. "Michael Cole. How many times do I have to tell you about opening your big mouth before you get the message? I already drove your head into the mat once, do I have to do it every week? Or maybe I should put an innocent's blood on your hands?" He looked around the audience for an appropriate victim.

Descending the stairs as he spoke, he looked around ringside. "Michael Cole, Vickie Guerrero, Ricardo Rodriguez, Matt Hardy... who wants to join the list? What about you Chimel?"

Smackdown's ring announcer dove for cover.

"Pfft." Cooper waved him away. "We all remember what happened when Justin Roberts got involved in a beatdown. I ain't risking that." He continued to scan the area. One annoying fan caught his attention. There was nothing really physically intimidating about her, but her face reminded him of a picture he'd seen of Caroline. Just thinking about his hated Grandma, one who wanted to end his life before it even begun, send the blood coursing through his veins. It took every bit of self-control to stay in character and not rip her apart right there.

"Whatsay it, Grandma?"

The little old lady shouted something in a foreign language, then did the unthinkable. She spat right in Cooper's face.

Cooper laughed. "Hey, Cole, is this your Mom or something?"

Apparently it was, because Cole ran from the announce table and started hitting Cooper as hard as he could, which wasn't very hard at all.

_If that's the best he's got, it'll be Vince vs. Bret all over again..._

Cooper turned around and with one punch, not even thrown hard, Michael Cole went flying and crashed into the ring post.

"Watch what I do to your kid... again!"

That's when the lights went out and an unforgettable gong filled the arena. The crowd instantly got up to their feet, already knowing who it was. When the lights came back on they went completely ballistic because there Mark was, standing face to face with Cooper. His gaze was cold and his hand went up and did the cutting throat gesture that sent the crowd into even more of a tizzy. Cooper went to kick him but Mark caught his foot and spun him all the way around before rocking him with big right hands. Cooper finally managed to block a couple and respond with a few of his own but when he tried to Irish whip Mark into the ring post Mark reversed it and sent him flying head first on to it.

_Fuck!_ He cursed inside of his head as he crashed down to the ground. He had very nearly landed on Cole, who was still laying out on the ground. He tried to shake the cobwebs off in his head but he didn't do it fast enough. As he was still regrouping he was grabbed by the throat and lifted up in the air, getting slammed through the announce table just seconds later, a victim of a good old fashioned choke slam. _Ugh…_ He closed his eyes as Mark's music hit and the crowd applauded his actions. _I might be feeling this in the morning._


	9. Chapter 9

"Are you ever gonna ask Jeff to marry you or you just wanna keep fingering my ring?" Tom asked

"Huh?" Cooper snapped

"I thought serial killers were used to making snap decisions." Crossing his arms, Tom glared at Cooper.

"We are." Cooper retorted "But..."

"But what?" Jeff loves you and you love Jeff... you do love him, don't you?"

"Pft, yeah."

"They why haven't you asked him?" It was obvious that Tom was not going to let this topic drop.

"I... I... fine! I'll do it..."

...

"Excellent, Mr. Lawson. I'm glad you're on board with this." One of RAW's nameless producers looked relieved. "Meeting adjourned."

Cooper had dozed off during the Creative meeting. While the room was emptying, he turned to Glenn, who was smiling eerily. "What exactly did I agree to do?"

Kane gave him a condescending look, then whispered a few words into Cooper's ear.

_Oh Fuck..._

…

"Daddy look at my belt," Connor said for the millionth time just that day. He had on one of James's old shirts because he was a little shit that had stolen it ages ago and refused to get it back. "Look at it! It's shiny. I like shiny things. Shiny shiny shiny shiny I love shiny stuff." He hugged the belt tightly, actually cradling it like it was his baby or something. "This shiny's thing's name is Rufus."

James froze in mid-bite of his pizza and stared at Connor incredulously. "Rufus? You names the belt Rufus?"

"Uh huh!" Connor didn't seem to see why James would be looking at him like he was crazier than he normally was. "I has to name him, he's my belt!" He rocked back and forth, either muttering incoherently or humming under his breath; James honestly couldn't tell which. "I is the champion of the world. I beat Coopy and now I'm going to be champion forever and ever. Nobody will ever ever beat me cuz I'm the best."

James blinked, not even sure what to say. Connor was taking this whole champion thing even further than he thought he would. "Have you defended your title yet?" he finally asked.

Connor looked at him like he was crazy. "Why would I defend it? It means I'm the ruler of the world and I'm not letting anyone even think they can take it from me." He giggled in his maniacal way before running off to go…well James didn't even know and he wasn't entirely sure if he wanted to. At the rate Connor was going, it was probably just better to let him do his own thing and not ask questions. "Kid gets weirder and weirder every day…"

...

"Undertaker, I've been sitting at home watching you for almost a year and I think I've finally figured you out. I'm not sure if it's how old you've gotten, or maybe it's that lame-ass Johnny Cash you're now using as a theme, but I am sure I can do something that no one else has been able to do for almost two decades... and that is beat you at Wrestlemania." Triple H had taken centre stage. "But I also thought that why wait? Why don't you come out here tonight? I can, and will, beat you so badly that you won't even make it to the big show..."

_Hey, Kids... can I have your attention..._

Triple H's attention turned at the appearance of the Family and he looked a little uneasy at seeing Cooper, Jeff, Kane, and Bearer on the stage.

"Uh guys, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but this isn't Smackdown," he joked.

Cooper glared at Glenn, who tugged on his wrist guards.

"Not yet, Kane." Cooper said "You may be the Game, but I break all the rules. I know this isn't Smackdown, yet what makes you think I care?"

"I thought maybe it had something to do with Undertaker leaving you in a heap." HHH shrugged

Remembering that made Jeff all angry and he started bouncing from foot to foot, wanting to get in the ring.

"It looks like your boy needs to go potty so make it fast. I'm waiting for your Dad to answer my challenge."

"There will be no challenges tonight, or any night, until the Undertaker agrees to face me in the ring. I respect what you've done for this company, so I am going to give you a chance to leave the ring in one piece."

"What if I don't? What if, say I decided to stay here? Do you really think that I am frightened by any of you?"

"Then I will have no choice but to put you back on the shelf for another nine months." Cooper answered "I'll admit, it'll be a nice change from beating up Michael Cole. It's up to you."

"Then I suggest you bring it." Triple H waved them to approach.

"With pleasure. Kane, Jeff, get him!"

Kane and Jeff were halfway to the ring when HHH slid out and grabbed his sledgehammer from ringside. It looked like a standoff until the arena went dark. The crowd went crazy in anticipation of another appearance by the conscience of the WWE. When the lights came back on there was no 'Taker in sight, only HHH lying in the middle of the ring, with the entire family surrounding his prone form.

"As I said... no one is gonna challenge anyone until Dear old Daddy agrees to face me in the ring." Cooper addressed the Game. "That includes you..."

_Hopefully this doesn't mean my Christmas Bonus just got flushed..._

The lights went out again.

"Cooper." It was the unmistaken voice of the Undertaker. "If you want me in the ring that badly, you'll have to make it worth my while. Put that title you don't deserve to hold on the line."

Cooper laughed. "Dead man, I'm running this show. You're in no place to make demands."

"Oh yeah..." A bolt of lightning struck the ring, knocking Cooper on his butt.

"That's really cool Dad... not like I haven't seen anything like that ever before. Turn the lights on and face me."

"As you wish." The lights flashed one a moment later, but still no sign of Mark, and neither was there any hide nor bald head of Kane.

"Cooper, Kane's gone." Jeff said, reflexively stepping closer to Cooper's side.

"My son!" Bearer shrieked "What have you done with him, you undead bastard?"

"Nothing, Paul... at least nothing yet." Mark continued to taunt them still without revealing himself. "So Cooper..."

"No fuckin' way am I playing your games, Dad!" Cooper was close to losing control. It was a fine line between staying in character and flying into the trademark Lawson rage.

"Have it your way." The lights went out a second time, another flash of light hit the ring, and this time Paul Bearer was nowhere in sight. Jeff shrieked and clutched Cooper's arm.

"Like I cared about that fat fuck anyway." Cooper said

"There's one more. Do you care about him as little as you claim to care about Bearer?"

"Coopy, don't let him get me." Jeff tugged Cooper's arm so hard that he could feel the tendons pulling.

"I won't." Cooper stated "Dad, you want a title match, I want to end you. Let's make it interesting. My title against the streak and your career."

"I accept." Mark replied without hesitation. "See you at Wrestlemania." For a third time, the lights went haywire. This time, when they returned to normal, both Kane and Bearer were back in the ring.

"Where the hell did you fucks go to?" Cooper asked in a low voice.

Kane and Bearer both shrugged.

"Whatever. I got my match." Cooper announced "Let's do the king a favor and beat up Michael Cole again."

…

James shook his head and switched the channel away from Raw, not interested in seeing it now because he had already seen Cooper and he doubted he would be on again. He was trying to be supportive of this whole thing but it was hard. He didn't want Cooper in this fucking business. It had ripped him and Mark apart for years and now his son was off…away…fuck how he just fucking hated it. But whatever. He needed to try not to dwell on it. Dwelling on it made him more homicidal than usual and he didn't feel like getting up and hunting quite yet. He was too lazy tonight.

"DADDY!"

Connor's piercing yell just about made James go deaf and he wasn't even close to the same room that he was in. "Connor?" He got up to his feet and started to go see what had happened when Connor came right in by himself, a furious look etched on his face. "Connor what-"

"Coopy had a belt! Coopy had a belt, they all think he's champion! Why does he have a belt! I beat him Daddy I did I did!"

James cringed. The last time he had checked on Connor, he had been watching cartoons in his room. Obviously that had changed somewhere along the way and the channel had been switched to wrestling. "Connor-"

"Everyone thinks he's champion now!" Connor stomped his foot and shook his head in distress. "They do Daddy! Why did he make them think that Daddy? He wrestled me and I won. Why is he lying to everyone?"

"Connor…" James grabbed on to Connor's arms to stop him from going off anywhere. He needed to come up with something and he needed to do it fast. If Connor was allowed to stay upset about this then there was no telling what he would do.

"Why Daddy?" Connor pouted out his lower lip and shook his head. "Why would Coopy be so mean?"

"Well…" James was still struggling to come up with a decent explanation. _Fuck me, this is hard._ "He's um…well you're not a wrestler so if you're not going to defend the title they need a _pretend_ champion for the show. So they gave the _pretend_ belt to Cooper so he could be the _pretend_ champion again. You're still the real champion but he's just acting like it so the infidels target him and not you." James nodded emphatically as Connor's eyes widened. "Yeah. Cooper's protecting you from the infidels."

"Oh…so he's not a mean poopy head."

"Nope. Not at all."

"Okay. Then Rufus and I won't have to hurt him." Connor nodded happily and ran back off, leaving James to stand there and shake his head.

"That was a close one," he said under his breath. He sat back down and began flipping through the channels. "Now to see what else is on…"

…

"Great promo, Champ." HHH slapped Cooper on the back in passing. "Just like your old man..."

"Uhh... thanks, I guess." Cooper answered, paying slightly more attention to Jeff's ass as he wandered off in search of a vending machine than to the heir to the McMahon family fortune.

"...mania?"

"Huh?" _Gotta stop thinking about tapping that ass when I'm at work. _

"I said, you cool with facing 'Taker at 'mania?" HHH repeated

"I guess." Cooper answered "And I'll probably be kissing this bad boy goodbye too, right?" He slapped the belt.

HHH looked around, but no one else was paying attention to them. "Just between the two of us, I'll be pitching for you to end the streak."

"What?" Cooper shouted, which made all idle chatter in the area stop. Cooper and the Game were now the centre of attention which, judging from HHH's expression, was not what he wanted.

"Keep it down." Paul elbowed him in the ribs. In deference to his position with the company, Cooper didn't stab the shit out of him, but settled for an angry look. "Maybe it's best if we talk somewhere else?"

Before Cooper could think of one of the many reasons while he did not want to be alone with Paul, he was grabbed by the arm and dragged into a storage closet.

"If this is your way of trying to get into my pants, then just forget it..." Cooper leaned against a set of shelves and waited for the punch he knew was coming.

"If I wanted to get into your pants, there are easier ways to do it." HHH was actually smiling.

Cooper shrugged. "Are you serious?"

"About what? That you're an easy lay or ending 'Taker's streak?"

"The streak. Won't it seem like a slap in the face to HBK and everyone else who's tried to end it?" Cooper asked "What about Mark? I'm sure that..."

"For one thing, it makes sense given that your Dad hasn't got many matches left and second of all, who do you think suggested it to me in the first place?"

"You mean Mark actually... wow!" Cooper exhaled. _At least Dad will be happy... I hope..._


	10. Chapter 10

"Cooper, if you don't stop pacing around I'm gonna tie you to a chair." James was sick of both seeing his son act like a caged animal and also not tell him the reason for this behavior.

"Dad, you're not helping." Cooper grumbled under his breath.

"Maybe if you told me why you've been acting like this, it would help. At least when Connor does it, there is some sort of explanation." James answered

"Not that it makes any sense to begin with." Mark added. "If you're gonna pace, boy, please stop walking in front of the television. I'm trying to watch West Coast Choppers in peace."

Just on principle, Cooper wanted to kick the screen out, but for a rare moment he held back.

"If Mark and I can help, you know we will." James said "Just tell us who you want us to kill and we'll do it."

"It's not that." Despite Alberto Del Rio giving Cooper as much space as he could, it was only a matter of time before James found out what he'd done to Connor. What really amazed Cooper was that his little brother had kept his promise. It had been almost two weeks and the little twerp hadn't said a word to James.

"Then what is it?" James repeated

"It's Jeff." Cooper sighed

"Trouble in paradise?" Mark asked

"Shut up, Mark." James hissed

"It was a legit question."

"You didn't have to say it like that..."

"Shut up, Dad... both of you." Cooper shouted

Mark and James turned away from each other, clearly surprised to hear Cooper speak so strongly.

"Well, are you gonna tell us or just tell us off?" James finally spoke after several minutes of silence. "If this is about Twinky Dink, I'm sure we can help... has he stopped letting you tap that fine ass of his...?"

"Dad..." Cooper groaned

"James..." Mark echoed the groan.

"What... have you forgotten that I've also had a piece of that fine ass..."

"Only because you won't let us!" Cooper barked "If you seriously want to help, then shush and let me talk!"

"Is he too old to be spanked?" Mark rolled his eyes.

"By us, yes." James stifled a totally inappropriate laugh.

Cooper slapped his forehead. He expected James to be like this, but he really hated it when Mark encouraged it. "Look, dillholes, this is the problem. I've been having these weird dreams lately. Sometimes it's Tom, sometimes it's Joie, and sometimes it's the two of them, but it's always the same. They keep bugging me to do something about Jeff."

"Like what?"

"I dunno. If I knew what I was supposed to do, I would not be standing here talking to you two. I would've taken care of it a long time ago."

"What exactly do they want you to do?" James asked

"I think they want me to marry him." Cooper reached into his pocket for Tom's ring. "Jeff gave me this right after we fuh... got together for the first time."

"That looks like..."

"It is." Cooper stated "And that's what's screwing with my mind. I don't want to be a substitute for Tom. What he and Jeff had is different than what Jeff and I have and if I take this to mean what I think it means, it'll just... I can't explain it." Cooper collapsed onto the couch between Mark and James.

"Son, I think I understand." Mark finally spoke up. "And there's a real simple solution."

"What's that?" Cooper asked

"Tell Jeff you can't accept the ring because of what it represents, both to you and him. If he seriously wants something permanent, Likansuk's credit is still good. Buy something that will make you feel less uncomfortable but still show him that you love him." Mark answered

"Awww... that's so sweet." James cooed "How come you're never like that with me?"

"Because you're a sadistic psycho-killer who's idea of romance is to whisper the Jaws theme before ripping my pants off!" Mark answered

Cooper was horrified to learn that piece of information.

"I think I gotta go before I totally lose my lunch." He was off the couch and out of the living room in seconds.

"Good luck." James called after him. The door slamming was his reply.

"Marky..."

"What?"

"Duh-duh... duh-duh..." James leaned over, an evil leer on his face.

_Cooper, wait for me!_

...

Jeff and Glenn were at some public appearance somewhere so getting Jeff alone was going to be practically impossible, as was getting Glenn's opinion. Talking to Bearer was out of the question and despite being nice to Matt and Randy, their ideas on the subject were already noted more times that Cooper cared to remember.

"Fuck!" Cooper pulled over and fumbled for his phone. "Please be home."

"Hart residence..."

"Uncle Bret? It's Cooper."

"Hey, kid... it's been a while."

"Yeah, I've been sorta busy..."

"I know. I've been watching you." Bret answered "But I'm sure career advice isn't why you called."

"How did you know?"

"Uncle's intuition." Bret stated "So what's on your mind?"

"Well…"

…

James whistled under his breath as he flipped through the numbers for various takeout places in his little notebook. It was time to get something to eat and he was having trouble picking out place to call. He knew Connor's vote would be for pizza once again but honestly, he (and he was sure Mark would agree with him on this) was getting sick of pizza. The next obvious choice was Chinese but he wasn't sure if he was in the mood for that. He thought about forcing himself to get up and actually going to go out to eat but he felt too lazy to do that. He would much rather call something in and then make someone else answer the door.

"Vroom vroom! Vroom vroom!" Connor came running into the room, his arms stretched out because he was pretending to be an airplane. He had his title in one hand and Snoopy and Spike were trailing as close behind him as possible. "Vroom vroom! Vrooooooom!"

"Connor?"

"Vroom vroom vroom!"

"Connor."

"Vroom vroom vroom vro-"

"Connor!"

"WHAAAT?" Connor turned to him and gave him an impatient look. "What do you want Daddy?"

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Pizza!" Of course. Why would it be anything else?

"I don't really want pizza-"

"So? You asked me what I wanted Daddy. I don't care what you want." Connor flopped down on the couch and gave him an impatient look. "Well? Aren't you gonna call for it?"

"Don't you wanna try Chinese?" James asked. He was already regretting asking Connor this question. Once Connor made up his mind that was it. It was pretty much impossible to get him to change his mind. "Chinese is good we can get fortune cookies."

"But I want pizza!" Connor objected. "I want pepperoni pizza with breadsticks and the chocolate dunky thingies and I don't WANT stupid Chinese food Daddy! I want PIZZA!"

"What about Mexican?" James knew that it was useless to keep trying at this point but he was doing it anyway. "We could get tacos-"

"NUUU!" Connor shook his head vehemently. "I don't want Mexican because Alberto Del Rio is a meanie!"

James frowned. "And why exactly is he a meanie?"

"Because-" Connor suddenly stopped himself.

"Because why?"

"Because he just is." Connor was trying to keep his promise to Cooper, he really was. It wasn't easy because he wanted to tattle but he was trying his hardest not to. "I know an infidel when I see one and he is a big giant infidel."

James frowned. He could sense that there was something more to it than that but for the moment he wasn't going to push the subject. He would just coax it out of Connor later. "What about we eat-"

"Daddy! I want PIZZA and I want it NOW!"

"Fine!" James was just going to give up. He couldn't win this fight. "We'll get pizza."

"Yay!"

…

"So what do you think I should do?" Cooper asked once he was done pouring his heart out to Bret. It had felt just beyond nice to be able to talk and not be interrupted. Bret just let him ramble to his heart's content and was waiting until it was his time to speak and not saying anything about tapping Jeff's ass (something he needed to talk to James about not reminding him of that-that was just awkward to think about). "I mean I know what Mark told me to do but what do _you_ think I should do?"

Bret mulled that question over for a bit before giving his answer. "Well actually-and I can't believe I'm saying this-I agree with Mark on this one."

"But what if he like…gets mad that I want to give it back?" Cooper asked nervously.

"If you explain to him _why_ you need him to take it back he should understand. You're not trying to be mean or rude or anything. You appreciate the gesture and stuff but you just can't take it. Not with what it means to you and him. Jeff's a good kid, he'll understand. You just have to _talk_ to him and tell him how you feel. I know that's a difficult concept for you sometimes because you like to bottle shit up but you can't keep doing that. You have to _communicate_. You understand?"

"Yeah," Cooper confirmed. "I'm not a complete idiot."

"I never said you were. I just implied you were horrible at communication. There's a difference."

"Of course. Thanks Uncle Bret."

"Any time kid."

…

Randy watched as Matt picked at his food restlessly. They had gotten some Chinese and taken it back to their hotel room so they could eat it while they watched a movie. Matt had been the one to make the suggestion in the first place but now he was acting like something was bothering him. "What's the matter?" Randy finally asked.

"Nothing," Matt lied. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Why are you asking?"

"Because I wasn't born yesterday." Randy pushed his food aside and Matt did the same thing because he clearly wasn't even hungry. "What is it?"

"You won't like it if I tell you," Matt told him.

Randy just barely suppressed the groan that was dying to escape his lips. "Don't tell me you're still all obsessive about Cooper and Jeff. I love you to death babe but there's really only so much of this I can put up with."

"I just…Jeff's getting invested. I mean like big time," Matt said as he rubbed his temples. "Like I every time I see him looking at Cooper he's giving him this lovesick puppy look."

"And that's bad?"

"What do you think?"

Randy couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes. "I think that you think way too much about this subject. I think you are worrying just to worry and that's just not healthy nor is it very attractive. And I think it's time that I firmly distract you from this subject."

"Oh yeah?" A bemused grin crossed Matt's face. "And how exactly do you plan on doing that?"

Randy was glad he asked. He got up to his feet and stripped himself of his shirt before grabbing Matt by the hand and pulling him up to his feet. Matt let Randy take his shirt off for him before hopping on board with this plan and kissing him hard. A distraction like this was way more than welcome at the moment. He had tried to just stop thinking about the whole Cooper/Jeff thing but no matter how hard he tried, it kept creeping back into his mind. It was like a disease or something and one he really did not appreciate.

Matt and Randy started stumbling towards the bed, Matt easily dominating the kiss. Randy was already moaning lightly, letting Matt have his way with his mouth. When he ran back right into the bed he laid back and arched his hips up so Matt could get his jeans off easier.

"Fucking so hot," Matt said in appreciation as his eyes roamed all across his boyfriend's body. He leaned over him, kissing him only a bit before letting his lips travel down to Randy's throat and then his chest. His tongue flicked across the younger man's nipples, taking great delight in the way he shivered underneath him. He then pulled on them with his teeth just enough to make Randy hiss and moan before kissing and nibbling his way down further south. He dragged his tongue across Randy's smooth abs while also rubbing his cock through his boxers.

"That is not even fair," Randy complained as he arched his hips up and grinded into Matt's hand. His cock was rock hard and the cotton of his boxers was a cruel barrier between his cock and Matt's warm, strong hand. "Fuck Matt, touch me already babe."

Matt smirked and pulled Randy's boxers off, tossing them aside to where their jeans were laying. "You mean like this?" He wrapped his hand around the base of Randy's cock and started to stroke it.

"Yes!" Randy hissed and pumped his hips up towards Matt's hand.

"So that's how you like it?"

Randy nodded and pumped his hips faster.

"Well what about like this?" Matt held down Randy's hips and flicked his tongue over the head of his cock, taking just that bit into his mouth and sucking on it when Randy moaned loudly in response. Randy was trying as best as he could to escape his grip but Matt wasn't having it. He held down Randy's hips more tightly and started taking more and more of Randy's cock into his mouth, eventually sucking on all of it. Randy was writhing on the bed, settling for grabbing on to Matt's hair and holding his head down there firmly.

"Fuck…Matty…Jesus fuck…"

Matt smirked internally and sucked harder, bringing Randy very close to the edge before removing his mouth completely.

"Maaatt," Randy groaned as he tried in vain to get Matt to return his mouth to where it was. "Come on-"

"Patience Orton," Matt said with a smirk. He went over to his bag and grabbed the lube, his smirk growing bigger as Randy immediately ceased his complaining. "Yeah, that's what I thought." He popped the top up and drizzled a good amount on to his hand and coating his cock with it as he walked back over to the bed. Once his cock was nice and lubed up he slid two fingers into Randy's body, scissoring them apart and probing Randy's prostate just to get him even more worked up.

"Fuck Matt come on." Randy was moving himself back against Matt's fingers, his words coming in between his gasps and moans. "Come on please just fuck me already."

Matt's cock was way too hard and ready for him to deny that request. He removed his fingers and climbed on to the bed before sliding his cock as deep into Randy as he could. Randy moaned and wrapped his legs around Matt's waist. Matt gave him a moment to adjust to him before thrusting hard, his lips fusing with Randy's in order to try to keep their moans somewhat quiet. It wasn't really working but it was the thought that counted, wasn't it?

"Harder," Randy begged as he met Matt's thrusts way more than eagerly. "Fuck me harder babe."

Matt thrusted harder and swiped his thumb over the head of Randy's cock. "Like that babe?"

Randy nodded desperately and arched his hips up so more of his cock was in Matt's hand. Matt took the hint and started stroking it, slowly at first but then faster as his pounded harder and harder into his body. Randy put his hand over Matt's to help him stroke even faster and he ended up cumming first, shooting his seed all over Matt's chest and stomach. His walls tightened around Matt's dick and he only managed a few more thrusts before he came deep inside of Randy. "Fuck…" his body felt weak with the force of his release so he just collapsed on top of Randy, who didn't seem to mind too much. He just grinned and kissed Matt's forehead.

"Love you babe."

Matt smiled at him. "Love you too."

…

Jeff was humming the new Britney Spears song he had heard earlier under his breath when his phone rang and interrupted him. He looked around for it, forgetting where it was until he realized it was in his pocket. "Hello?" he said as he answered it.

"Jeff?" It was Cooper. "Where are you?"

"The hotel. Why?"

"Stay there, I'm on my way. We need to talk…"


	11. Chapter 11

Jeff paced the floor of his hotel room, his nerves on fire. There was something ominous in the way Cooper had said 'We gotta talk' and his imagination was running wild with possibilities.

"Imma not panic. Coopy just wants to talk about what's gonna happen at Wrestlemania. That's all. No badness." Jeff said, but deep in his heart he knew that he wasn't doing a good job of convincing himself.

Outside the hotel, Cooper was pacing in front of Tom's Viper. The more he thought about it, the more he started to believe that Jeff was in fact using him as a replacement for his late brother and husband. Why else would he have given Cooper the ring? Symbolism was fine, but how Jeff couldn't see that was beyond Cooper. One thing he did know was that he was going to have to choose his words very carefully or he'd have the entire Hardy-Orton-Calaway-Jacobs-Lawson conglomerate all over his ass.

Taking one final deep breath, Cooper went up to the suite and let himself in. Jeff was waiting, no surprise there, but as soon as Cooper stepped across the threshhold he felt a non-sexual tension that he usually associated with his dealings with a certain other person last name Hardy.

"So, Coopy, what did you want to talk to me about?" Jeff broke the silence and made Cooper aware of how unready he was to have this conversation. Remembering Uncle Bret's words, he finally spoke.

"Before I say anything, I want you to promise that you'll let me finish before you get all emo and shit, okay?" Cooper requested

"Okies, but what..." Jeff stopped in mid-speak when Cooper motioned for him to be quiet. "I listening." He dropped onto the couch, squishing himself between Bunny and Lizard. "Bunny and Lizard are too."

_At least they won't go all emo. Well Lizard won't, I'm not sure about... for fuck's sake Lawson, they're stuffed animals... dammit!_

After giving himself the mental equivalent of a slap across the face, Cooper was as ready as he figured he was going to be without many drinks in his system.

"Jeff, we've been together for almost a year..."

"Really, has it been that long?" Jeff interrupted

Cooper cocked his head to the side, "This is gonna end up in the shitter if you ain't gonna let me talk."

"Oops... sorry, Coopy. I be good now." Jeff nodded, very Connor-like. Cooper hoped that his little brother wasn't wearing off on Jeff.

"As I was saying," Cooper paused to make sure that Jeff wasn't going to interrupt again. When nothing came out of the youngest Hardy's mouth, Cooper felt it safe to continue. "we've been together for almost a year and even though it has been tough at times, I think you'll agree we've gotten through it, right?"

Jeff looked at Cooper quizzically.

"This is the point where you're supposed to agree with me." Cooper said

"Oh, you mean you're done talking?" Jeff asked

"No, but..."

"You told me to shush until you were done, so I shushed."

Most times, Jeff's childlike innocence, even though he was five years older than Cooper give or take, was funny. This was not one of those times.

"I know where you want this relationship to go and so do I, but there is something that I really can't do any longer." As Cooper said this, he slipped his hand into the front pocket of his jeans. "I can't keep this."

When Jeff saw what Cooper was trying to hand to him, he did exactly what Cooper hoped he wouldn't. He burst into tears.

"I thought you loved me!" He wailed

"I do!" Cooper quickly jumped onto the couch.

"Then why?" Jeff jumped to the far end, sending pillows and Bunny flying.

"Because every time I see this, it reminds me of the only reason we're even together and the guilt trips are pissing me off!" Bret's advice of choosing his words carefully was flying out the window faster than Edge and Christian after two bottles of Zinfandel. (If you don't believe me, read Edge's book!)

"Matty was right!" Jeff sobbed loudly "He told me that you didn't love me and that you'd just hurt me..."

Cooper's eyes narrowed and the veins in his temples began pounding. _Must calm down... must not do badness... must not talk like Jeff... dammit!_

"Calm the fuck down before we both do something that we're gonna hate ourselves for." Cooper growled "Just listen for a minute, okay?"

"Go away!" Jeff yelled

"Jeff..."

"I said go away!" Jeff yelled louder

"Not until you..."

Jeff suddenly slapped Cooper, stopping him in mid-sentence. Before Cooper's brain could register that he had been slapped, Jeff ran screaming into the bathroom. Cooper was just fast enough that he could get his foot in the door before it slammed, but that didn't stop Jeff from repeatedly trying to close it, foot or no foot.

Cooper held his ground, although he was afraid that if he didn't get Jeff calmed down in a hurry, he'd be losing a toe or two in trying.

"I am... _ow, dammit_... not breaking up... _fuck that hurts... _with you." Cooper grimaced, screaming in his mind each time Jeff tried closing the door on his foot.

"Yes you are." Jeff gave the door one more tremendous heave, but gave up when he finally figured out that Cooper would rather have his foot broken than give up. "You jus' said so."

"No I didn't. What I said was I can't keep Tom's ring." Cooper said "I never said anything about breaking up with you."

"B-b-but..."

"I was trying to suggest that maybe after 'Mania, we could go out and maybe find something that will show you how much I do love you without making me feel like I'm robbing his grave." Cooper removed his foot from the door and hoped Jeff wouldn't take that to mean that he could now lock himself in.

"Tommers would want you to have something to remember him. He did like you, sorta."

"Jeff, you gave me Lizard, you let me drive his Viper and from what Matt told me, he rarely let you drive it when he was alive... I think that's enough, don't you?"

"I guess. You sure you're not breaking up with me?"

"Fuckin'-A, I'm not." Cooper exhaled, thankful that he might still be getting some within the next month.

"Yay!" Before Cooper could even brace himself, Jeff threw himself into Cooper's arms and they both crashed onto the floor. Before Cooper could even complain, Jeff's body was pressed to his, his tongue was in Cooper's mouth, and his pants were being opened.

_I didn't fuck that up too badly..._

…

"I don't see the point in doing this dinner," Mark said in exasperation as James tried to figure out where he put the number to the pizza place. One would think that with as many times as they called the damn number it would have been memorized by now, but nope. That was not the case. So now there was a long, cuss word filled search going on for it and so far it wasn't going too well. "I mean really Lawson. What the hell are you thinking?"

"I feel like having company over," James replied with a shrug.

"You hate people."

James stopped and gave Mark a grumpy look. "You know, instead of standing there and giving me shit, you could actually try to _help_ me right now. Hard concept to grasp, I know but maybe you could give it a shot anyway."

"Wow. Somebody's on the rag today." Instead of helping out like he should have he leaned back against the wall and continued to just watch James. It wasn't the nicest thing to do he knew but he couldn't help it. He found entertainment value in all of this.

James flipped him off and was just about to give up when he managed to find it. "Fucking finally. Now where's the phone?"

"Wherever you put it," Mark answered. At the rate this was going they were never going to get that pizza. "And who the hell is supposed to be coming to this thing?"

"Well, it was SUPPOSED to be just Jeff," James said as he managed to find the phone a lot faster than the number he needed. "But knowing him, he'll drag that brother of his and Randy Boreton-"

"Orton," Mark corrected.

"Boreton," James repeated stubbornly. "And for whatever reason, I think Crispy is coming."

"Probably because I told him he had to."

James gave Mark a dirty look. "And can I ask WHY you felt the need to do that? Crispy sucks."

"He does not."

"He does too."

"He does not and quit being a big baby. If he feels like coming over he's fucking welcome to come."

James rolled his eyes and muttered a bunch of obscenities under his breath as he left the room. Honestly, he could deal with Glenn since it was so much fun to torment him but him on top of Matt and Randy? No no and no. Not what James wanted. Matt got on his nerves and Randy…well honestly, he didn't know what it was about Randy that bugged him. It was just one of those things and the sucky thing was, Cooper was going to want him to be good for Jeff's sake. That didn't mean he was going to do it but he knew that was going to be wanted. And he hated that shit. This was his house damn it and he was going to act any damn way he wanted. And if anyone else didn't like it, they could kiss his ass. That was all he had to say about that.

"Boooo!" he heard Connor shout from the living room. "Boooo booo boo!" There was the sound of something plastic bouncing off the TV screen (at least James hoped it was plastic). "BOOO!"

"What the hell?" James muttered under his breath. He went into the living room and found Connor sitting on the floor watching one of the Smackdowns that had been recorded. James himself really only watched for Cooper (because he missed his son, not because he truly supported this career choice-he never would do that) and usually that was all Connor watched too. But for whatever reason he was watching more of it today and it just happened to be an Alberto Del Rio match and the sight of the Mexican aristocrat was sending Connor into a tizzy.

"Stupid Del Rio!" Connor said angrily. He had his headless G.I. Joes all around him and he had Snoopy sitting comfortably in his lap. He had no idea James was even in the room. "Stupid stupid infidel." He kissed the top of Snoopy's head and glared daggers at the man on the television. "He's mean Snoopy. Don't ever go near him. Never ever."

"Why is he mean?" James asked. He had been hearing Connor go on about Del Rio under his breath and it was making him more and more curious to find out why it was.

"Because he hurted-" Connor suddenly stopped himself when he realized it was James who was asking that. "…bunnies."

James's eyebrows shot right up. "Bunnies?"

"Yes. Bunnies."

James didn't buy that one for a second and Connor knew that. "Don't question me!" Connor suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs. He jumped up to his feet with Snoopy in his arms and he ran out of the room as fast as he could. James watched him go and then looked back at the TV. He had the very distinct feeling that something had happened between Connor and Del Rio and that was not a feeling he liked. He had to find out what had happened and he would. It was all just a matter of time.

…

"So remind me why we're going again?" Randy asked as Matt drove to the Casa de Lawson.

"Jeff begged me to come."

"And you gave in?'

"Hey! It's not like I wanted to. But if he's going to be with that whole family I'd much rather be there to. You know, just in case." As much as Matt wasn't part of the Cooper fan club, he was more okay with Jeff being with him than Jeff being anywhere near James and Connor. He remembered the huge mess James and Jeff's brief relationship had made and he knew James didn't like him about as much as he didn't like him and quite frankly Connor just freaked him out.

Randy sighed and shook his head. "This is going to be a disaster…"

…

"Did you tell James to behave?" Jeff asked as they pulled into the driveway. It had been hard to tear themselves away from each other long enough to even get here but somehow they had managed it. Cooper wished they hadn't though because Jeff had invited Matt and Randy to this thing and they were coming for some reason, which just was going to end up not being good at all. Too many combustible elements were going into this thing and the end result was guaranteed to be messy.

"Yeah," Cooper replied. "I don't know why you think it'll do any good. I TOLD you that inviting Matt and Randy would just make him act out more."

Jeff pouted his lips. "But Matty is my brother and I like Randy."

"Yeah well Dad don't. And they don't like him. I love you to pieces babe but do you have ANY idea of the shit storm you helped…" Cooper's voice trailed off as his eyes drifted to the front door and saw who was there waiting for them. "Oh no…no no no." He banged his head against the steering wheel as Jeff tried to get a look at who Cooper saw. _This is going to suck so FUCKING much…_

…

"So…the fornicators decided to grace us with their presence." Yes Bearer had graced them with his presence. No he was not invited or welcome. He had found out about this from Glenn and for whatever reason decided to tag along. Cooper figured that it was to just piss them off. He liked to do that from time to time.

Mark rolled his eyes as he tried to get all the slices of pizza passed out. He was having to contend with Connor trying to steal pieces for Snoopy and Spike and it was starting to really get on his nerves. And of course James wasn't really saying anything to the kid because he was too busy glaring at Paul. The hatred between them went back for decades and the fact that Mark said just let Paul stayed meant that James was pissed at him as well.

"Who even says that word anymore?" Cooper asked in exasperation. He heard this crap all the time from Paul at work, he wasn't looking to hear it at home too. "I mean really, didn't that word go out of date like…a couple hundred years ago?"

Jeff giggled loudly but was silenced by a withering glare from Bearer. That caused Cooper to smack Paul upside his head as hard as he could.

"BOY-"

"Shut up," James growled. He reached over and smacked Paul himself. "If he wants to smack you, you take it and you keep your mouth shut or you can just leave. Your choice."

If looks could kill both Paul and James would have killed each other right on the spot. Randy and Matt were looking back and forth between the two, wondering who would blow up first. Jeff had turned Cooper's attention to him and they started making out until Matt threw a breadstick at them to make them knock it off. Connor was still trying to steal pizza for his pets and Mark was really really starting to lose his patience with him. Glenn was the only one just eating and trying to treat this as an actual normal dinner.

"So" thankfully Glenn chose to chew and swallow his food before continuing on "Mark" he was grabbing his second slice of pizza already "are you like actually cleared to compete or whatever? Cuz last I heard, you waited too long for that surgery and-"

"Glenn," Mark said sharply. "I'm fine. Don't even go there."

James snorted. "Oh please. You're fucking falling apart on us. You could barely get your shoulder back to anything remotely resembling full strength, your knees are shit, your hips are shit-"

"Shut it Lawson."

"Fuck off Mark."

Cooper pinched the bridge of his nose. "If you're going to fight, take it outside. I want to eat in peace."

"Daddy, tell Marky Snoopy and Spike get to eat too!" Connor whined.

James didn't say anything he just snagged two pieces and took them over to the animal's dishes so he could break them up for their consumption.

"…Seriously?" Randy said incredulously.

James's response was a death glare that effectively put an end to anything else that could be said to that.

Paul shook his head. "That mutt and goat are the only GOOD members in this entire family."

"Shut up fornicator!" Connor threw a fork at Paul, laughing as it bounced off his forehead.

"Does he even know what that means?" Jeff whispered loudly.

"No," Cooper replied.

Matt shook his head as Bearer started cussing at Connor (which triggered James to start cussing at Bearer). "I'm just so glad Randy and I came here." His voice was laced with all kinds of sarcasm. "Really, it's entertaining."


	12. Chapter 12

If there had ever been a time in Cooper's recent past that he could recall feeling any less like a man than walking into a jewelry store with Jeff, then he was quite willing to bet that he did not want to know about it. But there he was, being dragged into some chic store like a henpecked husband, and the only thing that Cooper could say was good about it was that Jeff wasn't throwing another hissy fit. Although the last hissy fit had led to one of the best blowjobs Jeff had ever given him, so that wasn't all bad.

"Remember, if you don't see something you like, there are other jewelry stores around." Cooper said. Looking at some of the price tags, he did hope that Jeff couldn't find something. Since getting together with Jeff, Likansuk had been paying for almost everything from dinners to tuxedo rentals to overnight motel rooms in whatever town they'd managed to steal a quiet evening together. If his Dad didn't own the company, Cooper might have started to wonder when the credit might run out.

"Good afternoon, sirs. Is there something I can show you today?"

Cooper cringed. Pretentious was not the word for this guy, and the urge to kill him was building in his stomach. Either that, or the Taco Bell wasn't agreeing with him.

"Yeahs. Me and my boyfriend are looking for some rings." Jeff babbled

The sales clerk gave Jeff and Cooper the once-over. _Go on and say something stupid, motherfucker... just give me an excuse... _

"I assume this fine gentleman is the boyfriend in question."

"Uh-huh." Jeff nodded vigorously.

"Very well, if you two will follow me, I'll show you what we have."

Jeff smiled at Cooper, and skipped happily to the back of the store. Cooper just shook his head in dismay. He had totally misread the shop attendant and that was not something that happened very often.

_Fuck Lawson, you're losing your touch..._

"Coopy, c'mon!" Jeff waved anxiously.

Sighing loudly, Cooper followed. "Good thing he's so good in the sack..." he muttered under his breath.

...

"Bunnies?" James said, while cleaning up after the dinner.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Mark demanded, walking past with his arms full of pizza boxes.

"Bunnies." James repeated. "Connor said Del Rio was a meanie because he hurted bunnies... what the hell is that supposed to mean."

"If I knew what went through Connor's mind, you'd be putting me in a nice rubber room somewhere." Mark opened the fridge and grabbed two beers, handing one to James.

Thankfully, Paul, Randy, and Matt had all left shortly after Jeff had dragged Cooper out, leaving only Glenn to torture.

"Talking about me again, bro?" Speak of the bald-headed devil. As if he owned the house, Glenn helped himself to a beer.

James glared at Glenn, who shrugged and drank half the beer in one gulp.

"You know, I'm one-half of the world tag team champions."

"What's your point, Crispy?" If there was one thing James hated more than bald people stating the obvious, it was bald people stating the obvious after helping themselves to his beer.

"I can appear on both Raw and Smackdown. Since Del Rio got swapped over..."

This was news to James, but he hadn't bothered to watch the draft show. "I repeat, what's your point?"

"If you want me to do some snooping, I can. I'm sure somebody knows something."

"For once, your fried brain came up with something good." James retorted

"Or we could just ask Connor." Mark added

Both James and Glenn looked at Mark.

"Point taken." Mark reached for his beer. "I hope you know what you're doing..."

...

"What do you think?"

Cooper had looked at so many rings that they were all starting to look the same, and that was giving him a headache.

"Jeff, you know this isn't my thing. Just pick out something you like." Cooper answered "I trust you."

"How about these?" Jeff pointed to two on the far side of the case.

"Jeff, those are for ladies." Cooper answered, alarmed.

"Oh." Jeff sighed "But they were so pretty."

"I am not wearing a girl's ring." Cooper stated

"Gentlemen, I do have those in a man's style." The assistant reached under the counter and removed a locked display case. Unlocking it via a small key, he said "Normally, we don't keep this high-end merchandise out. Here you are."

"Wow!" Jeff beamed "I likes lots."

"Just like the other ones you were looking at, this has a one-karat diamond center stone, with two half-carat smaller ones on each side."

While the salesman pointed out the various features of the rings, most of which he could've cared less about, Cooper waited.

"We'll take them." He interrupted

"We will?" Jeff added

"Yeah. If they're the ones you want."

"Yayz! I loves you!" Jeff jumped on Cooper and started making out with him.

_Two for two... I might not be so bad at this communication thing after all..._

...

The next time Matt and Randy saw Jeff, he was all over them, practically shoving the ring he was wearing in their faces. "Look look look!" he shouted while jumping up and down excitedly. "Look what Coopy and I got."

"How are we going to look if you take our eyes out with it?" Randy asked dryly as Matt had to physically grab Jeff's wrist so his hand would stay still.

"You and Cooper picked these out?"

"I picked them out," Jeff corrected. "Cooper was just smart and agreed with me."

Randy smirked. "You've trained him well."

"Yep! Yep yep yep I did."

"So…does that mean you're like engaged now or whatever?" Matt asked as he let Jeff's hand go.

"Uh….." Jeff screwed up his face as he thought that over. "I dunno."

Matt frowned. "What do you mean you don't know?'

"Well generally he means that he don't know," Randy said helpfully. That got him a nice little glare from Matt. "What? I'm just saying."

"Coopy hasn't actually asked me," Jeff said as he fiddled with his ring and admired how it sparkled off the light. "He said he wanted to get these rings to show how much he loved me."

"Could you imagine a wedding though with _his_ family?" Randy asked.

"Oh God," Matt muttered. "Randy stop."

"I mean Mark and Glenn would be fine but James would just-"

"Randy-"

"And Connor-"

"Randy!"

"And could you imagine what other psychos that could come in for it?" Randy was totally ignoring Matt in favor of imagining what kind of train wreck a Lawson attended wedding could lead to.

"Coopy really doesn't have any other family," Jeff pointed out. "Unless you count Mark's other kids."

"Which probably are just the ones we know about," Matt said, unable to resist making this comment. "Or hell, they're probably the only ones _he_ knows about."

Jeff giggled at the thought of Mark's manwhore ways before getting back on topic. "Cooper's mom is dead, he hates Bearer and don't consider him family, he don't know anyone else on Mark's side of the family or James's. James don't even know them. At least that's what Cooper said."

"That's probably for the best," Matt said. "The less of them around the better."

Randy nodded in agreement while Jeff kept playing with his ring. "You think he would ask me to marry him?" he asked suddenly.

The look Matt got on his face looked like he had just swallowed acid.

"Hey, _you_ brought up the engagement talk to begin with," Randy pointed out.

"I…I…ugh." Matt groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Well?" Jeff asked.

Since Matt was busy having himself a nice heart attack, Randy decided to answer the question. The last thing he wanted Jeff doing was to keep asking them that over and over again. "If he's going to he'll do it when he's ready. No sense in rushing though. Are you happy with what you guys have going now?'

Jeff nodded. "Uh huh!"

"And he seems happy. At least from what I've seen."

"Mmhmm. I think so."

"So then that's good. Have fun with that." Randy reached into his pocket and pulled out a dollar. "Here, get some Skittles."

"Oooh! I LOVE you!" Jeff snatched the dollar out of Randy's hand and took off running, totally forgetting that the door was shut and running right into it. "Owie!" He glared back at Matt and Randy, who were both laughing at him. "Shut up!" He grabbed the doorknob and got the damn thing open so he could actually race to his Skittles properly.

…

Glenn sighed as he adjusted his tag title on his shoulder. He had been going around and asking people if they knew anything that had happened between Del Rio and Connor but so far nobody had heard a thing. He had a match soon that he was going to have to go get ready for so there wasn't going to be much more time for answer hunting. He did have time to ask one more person though. He had tried to find him earlier but he had been in a meeting with Creative so that had been a no go then. The meeting should have gotten over a bit ago though so he might as well try it again.

He got to the locker room of the person in question and knocked on it hard. "Rey!" He knocked even louder. "You in there?"

He heard a whole bunch of Spanish being spoken on the other side before Rey opened the door. "Yeah man?"

Glenn looked down at his often in ring rival and pulled back his usual scowl for a more passive look. "You know Cooper's younger brother Connor?" He saw Rey was trying to think so he gave a description to help him around. "About this tall, long light brown hair, big ass eyes, talks like he's five?"

"Oh yeah yeah yeah I've seen him around," Rey said with a nod. "What about him?"

"You know anything that could have gone down between him and Del Rio?"

"You mean don't know?" Rey had his mask on already so Glenn couldn't see the look of surprise on his face.

"Don't know what?" Glenn hated it when people answered his questions with another question. It annoyed him to no end.

"The kid was running around with Cooper's title saying it was his and he started saying it to Del Rio."

"Oh Jesus…" Glenn already knew this story wasn't going to end well.

"So Del Rio took the title out of his hands and popped him right in the mouth. Cooper went bat shit and started pummeling Alberto. It sure wiped that smirk off his face."

_And if I tell James this, that will happen PERMANENTLY._

"Was that it?" Rey asked. "I got a match to get ready for."

"Yeah," Glenn said with a sigh. That was it. Thanks."

...

_Fuck... I am so fucked... if I tell James, Del Rio dies. If I don't, and James finds out, Del Rio dies and I probably get skinned alive... fuck, fuck, fuck..._

Glenn's mind was going back and forth on the issue, to the perturberance of the Big Show, who was trying to defend the tag titles against the team of Nexus' McGillicutty and Otunga. He'd already missed two spots in his brief in-ring time, and Show had given him a bad time about that. At least he'd accepted Glenn's mumbled excuse about some family shit. Show knew that Bearer had been giving him shit no end for agreeing to tag with him, so he figured that once the belts were off them, things would be back to what passed for normal in Glenn's professional life.

Once the match was over, and the titles had changed hands, Show went backstage to do his next bit of selling. Glenn hung back to wait his cue, but while he waited, who of all people should step into view, but Alberto Del Rio.

_Me and my big mouth..._

Glenn was jolted back to quasi-reality with the sounds of car slamming into flesh.

_Alberto, you better hope we can come up with a decent explanation or we're both dead..._

...

"Meanie! Infidel! Remember Snoopy, if you see him, bite the infidel! Hurt him!" Connor ranted at the television. Snoopy growled, pawing at the screen.

James groaned, reaching for the beer beside him. He looked at the clock and realized that he had fallen asleep in front of the TV, again.

"If that dog breaks my TV, no ice cream for a month for you." James looked around. "Where'd Mark and them go?"

"Marky's sleeping, but don't worry Daddy you gots me and Snoopy and Spike to play with."

"Sounds like fun. We playing infidels again?"

"Mh-hmm... Del Rio is the infidel." Connor nodded

"Why is he the infidel... do you just not like him?"

"Nu. Remember Daddy, he hurted..."

"I know, bunnies. But is that the real reason?" James desperately wanted to find out what was going on. He knew he probably wouldn't like it, but he had to know.

"Uhms... I can't tell you." Connor shook his head violently side to side.

"Why?" James asked

"'Cause."

"'Cause why?" It annoyed the shit out of James when Connor did that, and usually made him divulge whatever secret he was trying to keep from his son, so James decided to use reverse psychology.

"'Cause I promised Coopy I wouldn't." Connor answered "Coopy said you'll get mad."

"How can I get mad if I don't know what it is." James responded "You can tell me."

"Promise you won't be mad?" Connor asked

"Promise... with whipped cream and a cherry on top..."

"Okies... but you can't tell Coopy." Connor whispered, climbing onto James's lap.

...

Once Jeff got an idea in his mind, it was almost impossible for anyone to make him think otherwise. When he'd decided that he wanted to immediately show off his ring to Matt and Randy, Cooper had left him at the hotel and driven home to show the ring to his fathers. He pulled into the driveway, rather pleased with how the evening had went. That was until a table went flying through the front window, narrowly missing both Cooper and the Viper.

_What the fuck?_

Cooper ran inside.

"...kill him, I swear to God!" He caught the end of the rant.

"Who ya gonna kill this time Dad?" He kicked his shoes off and walked into the living room.

"Fucker Del Rio... when I get my hands on him..." James abruptly turned off the bile.

Cooper stopped dead. He took one look at James, and one look at Connor who was smiling all innocent and shit and knew what had happened.

"CONNOR!"


	13. Chapter 13

Staring at his brother, grinning like an idiot, and the man he considered his Dad who also looked like an idiot, Cooper felt an anger unlike any he had ever felt.

"Connor... What. Did. You. Tell. Dad?" Each word was punctuated by a hiss-like exhalation.

"That Del Rio was a meanie." As long as James was nearby, Connor figured he was safe from the wrath of Big Brother. "I didn't mean to Coopy... honest, I was."

"Fuck." Cooper kicked a side table, sending it and a lamp flying.

"Cooper, you need to relax." Mark finally re-entered the fray, beer and pizza in hand.

"No! I will not fuckin' relax!" Cooper wheeled on Mark. "I basically put everything on the line to promise Stephanie that James wouldn't find out, and now that little shit of a brother of mine has ruined everything!"

"James would've found out eventually." Mark looked over his shoulder to his lover, who nodded. At least his anger seemed to have boiled down. "At least now that we now James knows we can make him promise that nothing will happen to Del Rio... right?"

"But... I want you to hurt him Daddy... I do!" Connor whined "He maded me bleed!"

"It was your own fault Connor. If you'd been a good little boy like you were supposed to and not act like a total douchenozzle after winning the belt, then we wouldn't even need to have this discussion." Cooper wanted to wipe the expression of Connor's face, but a small part of him was still hesitant to get physical.

"Daddy! Cooper's being mean to me! Tell him he can't, 'coz I is champion!" Connor looked to his father for reassurance.

"Cooper, you know how protective I am of your brother. Don't you think..."

Cooper shook his head. If he got much angrier, there was going to be a death and it might be someone in the same room. "I don't know why I even went along with the idea of even letting Connor have a belt. It would've been easier just to keep it with Jeff or Matt or even Randy. Hell, it's not like it's the real one to begin with..."

Connor's jaw dropped. "Rufus is too real! I beated you!"

"Really, Connor? Really!" Cooper shook his head.

"Daddy!" When Connor realized that this wasn't just Cooper playing a trick on him, he started an all-out tantrum.

"Dammit, Cooper." James looked around for something to stuff in his ears.

"Meanie!" Connor ranted, kicking Cooper in the shins and running up the stairs. "I hate you! I hate you more than Del Rio, I do!"

The second Connor's foot made contact with his shins, the last nerve that was preventing Cooper from getting violent snapped.

"You little..." He chased Connor up the stairs.

"Connor, wait..." James started to follow him, but Mark restrained him.

"James, it's probably best this time if we don't get involved."

"But..." James looked upstairs, cringing every time he heard a bang or crash.

"Trust me. I think there's a fresh case of beer in the fridge." Mark pointed

Grumbling, James grabbed a beer. Mark hoped enough alcohol might make James forget about killing Del Rio long enough for he and Cooper to come up with something. If it didn't, heaven help them all.

...

Connor attempted to slam his door shut and lock himself inside but Cooper grabbed a hold of the knob before he could and shoved his shoulder into it so hard that he went flying inside and Connor fell back ass first on the floor. Cooper quickly slammed the door shut behind him and grabbed Connor by the shirt. "Why?" he asked angrily. He yanked Connor up to his feet and gave him a good hard shake. "WHY?"

"Why WHAT?" Connor asked, trying to squirm out of Cooper's grip.

"Why did you have to open your big fat mouth?" Cooper saw that Connor was about to slip out of his shirt so he switched his grip to Connor's arms instead and gave him another hard shake. "Huh? I fucking tell you NOT to tell Dad and what did you do?" He scowled as Connor just glared at him sullenly. "I SAID WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"I TOLDED Daddy that Del Rio was MEAN!" Connor shouted, trying to kick Cooper in the shins so he would let him go. "He kept asking me so I TOLD him. And I'm NOT sorry! I hope Daddy GETS Del Rio!"

Cooper scowled and tried his best to keep his temper in check, though it was getting harder and harder to do so. "God damn it Connor!" He shook his head angrily. "Do you have any idea how much you fucked me over? If fucking Dad does something to Del Rio then guess what? Stephanie is going to know that I wasn't able to keep up my end of the bargain of him not finding out and I'm gonna get fucking canned!"

"So what?" Connor asked childishly. "I HATE that stupid job you have anyway! You're never ever home and I don't want you to have it anymore! I want you to be HOME with ME!"

"And I want to be out on the road with JEFF!"

"Jeff's STUPID!"

Cooper slapped Connor across the face. "You take that back," he growled. "You take that back right now."

"Make me!"

Cooper slapped Connor across the face again and in response Connor spat on Cooper. Whatever check Cooper was keeping on his temper was lost at that moment and he speared Connor down to the floor. They wrestled around, Cooper just slapping Connor over and over again and Connor trying to bite Cooper and push him off. "You're so fucking stupid!" Cooper yelled angrily. "Stupid stupid stupid stupid!"

"Am not!" Connor started hitting back and trying even harder to bite Cooper. "YOU'RE stupid!" He managed to sink his teeth into Cooper's neck and he rolled himself on top as Cooper howled in pain. Connor hit Cooper as hard as he could, only keeping his advantage for a few moments. Then Cooper easily wrestled his way back on top.

Suddenly their lips were fused together, biting at each other, their tongues dueling for dominance. Neither one of them knew who actually kissed first. Cooper would say that Connor did it and Connor would say that it was Cooper. Either way, their tongues were halfway down each other's throats and Cooper's hands were working on yanking Connor's pants down. He wasn't even thinking about what he was doing. The instinct that he had helped to engrain in himself was taking over, exciting him to the point where he was releasing his hard cock out of his jeans and slamming himself inside of Connor. Connor howled but he didn't try to shove Cooper off of him. Instead he put his hands up underneath Cooper's shirt and raked his nails down his back. Cooper hissed and quickly grabbed Connor's arms and pinned them up above his head. He thrusted hard and fast, cumming hard in just a few minutes. He stopped and panted for breath, the realization of what he just did slowly sinking in. He just fucked Connor. He was with Jeff but he had fucked Connor. "Oh God…"

Connor frowned at him as he quickly got up and fixed up his jeans. "Coopy?"

Cooper just shook his head and took off without another word. _Fuck fuck fuck…I gotta find Jeff._

...

Jeff stared at his phone, wondering why Cooper hadn't called him back. It shouldn't have taken him long to show the ring to Daddy-Mark and Daddy-James, as Jeff was starting to think of them. Sometimes it made him giggle that the Undertaker might become his father-in-law in the future. But he was going to listen to Matt and Randy and enjoy what he had and for once, not rush into things.

Jeff let his mind wander a little too long thinking about Cooper and he, because that's how Matt found him when he returned from dinner with Randy. The Viper had an appearance to make later that evening, so it was a rushed meal for the two of them. Matt had planned to go back to the hotel, maybe watch a movie or listen to some music, then go to bed. Seeing Jeff staring blankly at his phone changed all that.

"Earth to Jeffro... come in, Jeffro... bro, you in there?" Matt snapped his fingers in Jeff's face. The blank look disappeared immediately.

"Matty... you're back early!" Jeff bounded off the bed to hug him. "Where's Randy?"

"I told you he had something to do tonight, remember?" Matt replied

"Oh yeah. Sorry." Jeff stared at the phone one last time, then set it on vibrate and stuck it in his pocket.

"You wanna do somethin'?"

Matt shrugged. "I thought you and Cooper had plans."

"So did I, but he hasn't called me back. He said he was gonna show James and them the ring, then we'd have some fun."

"That's strange." Matt said, even though almost anything a Lawson said or did could be classified as that. "Have you tried calling him?"

"Yeah. He doesn't answer." Jeff said "'Sides, we haven't had fun together in a long time."

"I don't feel like going out, out, but if you wanna have a few drinks in the hotel bar or something, that I could handle." Matt answered

"Okies. We has fun!" Jeff grabbed some money, then Matt, and they were halfway to the elevators before Matt even had time to change his mind.

"Don't you think you..."

"I'm texting him now." Jeff answered, focusing on doing just that. "That done." He returned his phone to his pocket, then looked up at Matt. "I wish I knew what was going on."

"I'm sure there's nothing you need to worry about, little bro." Matt ruffled Jeff's hair. _At least, there better not be._

...

Cooper was randomly driving around, trying to get things back in focus, when his phone beeped. Reading the text from Jeff, he sighed softly. At least he now had time to figure out how he was going to explain to Jeff what had happened, and also to prepare to any backlash from him. Even worse would be if Jeff got all emo and shit, like Cooper knew he could, and ran to either Matt or Randy. Matt he could handle easily, but Orton was another story.

Assuming that things didn't get any worse, and he was still retiring Mark at 'Mania, he'd also heard that Creative was pushing for him to work with Orton immediately after. If Jeff or, even worse than that, Matt got to Randy, any match between them could easily break down to a work rather quickly.

"I gotta tell Jeff before anything else happens." Cooper said aloud "He knows about my relationship with Connor and how annoying the little twerp can be at time."

Now that he knew where Jeff was going to be, Cooper acclerated the Viper to a not-so-safe cruising speed and headed downtown. If he could get to Jeff before the booze did, he had a chance. A slim one, but a chance none the same.

...

The Hardys had just ordered a second round when Cooper reached them.

"Hey Coopy!" Jeff shouted, waving. "Over here!"

_Dammit, he's with Matt. At least he seems sober enough._

Putting on his nicey-nice face, Cooper joined them at the table.

"Lawson." Matt nodded

"Hardy." Cooper nodded back. "I hate to break up the party, but I really need to talk to Jeff for a few minutes."

"Okay." Matt said, but made no effort to move.

"Alone." Cooper added, deepening the tone of his voice.

"Then you probably shouldn't talk here, unless you want whatever the problem is to be around the locker room by tomorrow." Matt gestured to the packed crowd, the majority of which were WWE employees.

"For once, you make a point." Cooper said "You mind if we take this somewhere else?"

Jeff shrugged. "Okies. Save my beer for me."

"Have fun." Matt snickered. The beer arrived a couple minutes later. Correctly guessing that Jeff wouldn't be returning to the bar in the near future, Matt drained one and took the other with him as he sought out a drinking partner for the evening.

...

"So what's the problem, Coopy?" Jeff needled him endlessly the entire elevator ride up to the suite, but Cooper refused to tell him. Maybe it was nerves, or maybe it was the five other people in the car who had no right to know how he'd spent his last hour, but he wanted to be safe in their room before spilling his guts.

As soon as the elevator doors opened Cooper took Jeff by the hand and quickly led him to their room. "Can you tell me now?" Jeff asked.

"In a minute," Cooper said. He put the card key in the slot and opened the door, swallowing heavily as he let Jeff go in first. He had to be careful how he did this. He had to tell Jeff because it would be worse if he kept it a secret. Connor had proven he couldn't keep a secret to save his life so if Cooper didn't say something now, Connor surely would in the future. And that would be really really bad. But he knew that he had to make sure he did it carefully. If he fucked this up even more than he already did, Jeff would lose it and it would spiral completely out of control.

Jeff frowned as Cooper closed the door behind them. "Coopy what is it?" he asked yet again. "You're freaking me out."

"Sorry." Cooper led Jeff over to the bed and sat him down, taking a deep breath to try to calm himself.

"Did something bad happen?"

"More than one thing." Cooper grabbed both of Jeff's hands and squeezed them tightly. "You know I love you, right?"

Jeff nodded. "I love you too Coopy. Now what happened? I wanna know."

"Well…I went to go show Dad the rings and come home to a chair flying out the window. Connor opened his big mouth so the secret about Del Rio is out now."

Jeff's eyes widened. "Uh oh…"

"You can say that again."

"Uh oh…" Jeff shook his head as Cooper's lips twitched a bit at the fact he actually repeated himself on command. "Is Del Rio gonna die now?"

"Possibly. Last I knew, Mark was trying to do damage control with Dad while I tried to deal with Connor."

"Why did he tell anyway?"

"Because he's Connor." That was pretty much the best explanation Cooper could give. "He's a fucking big mouth like that." Cooper swallowed heavily again and squeezed Jeff's hands more tightly. "I was so angry with him and he was being so bratty…you remember how my relationship was with him before?"

Jeff nodded.

"Remember how we would fight and then end up fucking?"

"I just nodded Cooper," Jeff said, either really oblivious to the point Cooper was starting to get at or doing a really good job at acting that way.

"Well um…it happened again earlier."

Jeff froze and just stared at Cooper. "You…you fucked Connor?"

"I did NOT mean to," Cooper said quickly, going into full damage control mode. "Jeff I swear, I did not mean to do it. That was the LAST thing on my mind when I was there. It just happened. We were fighting and then he kissed me and I was so angry I wasn't thinking…the situation spiraled completely out of control. And I'm so SO sorry about that. I feel fucking terrible about it and I would take it back if I could." Cooper was babbling at this point but he didn't give a shit. "I love YOU Jeff. I want to be with YOU and I swear, I'll do anything to make this up to you."

Jeff pouted his lower lip and just stared at Cooper. He was not happy to hear all that but Cooper's apology was so sincere that it stopped him from blowing up on the spot. Maybe it helped that he knew how frustrating Connor could be. It was easy for him to see how Connor could make people do shit they wouldn't normally do. And if Connor kissed him first…yes, the blame was totally going on Connor in Jeff's mind. If Connor had kept his big mouth shut to begin with none of this would have happened.

Since Jeff wasn't totally blowing up, Cooper was sighing on the relief on the inside. That was a much better reaction than what he was expecting. Deciding to test the waters even more, he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Jeff's lips. Jeff didn't actually respond at first but he didn't push Cooper away either. That prompted Cooper to kiss him again, this time coaxing Jeff into kissing him back. Jeff's arms went around Cooper's neck and Cooper laid him down, slowly kissing him into the mattress. Jeff's hands went under Cooper's shirt so he could slip it off and toss it down to the floor. Jeff's shirt went next and as soon as it was gone Cooper started a trail of kisses all along Jeff's throat.

"I love you," Cooper said, nipping Jeff's earlobe before going back to Jeff's throat. He sucked on the pale flesh eagerly, leaving a large hickey in his place before moving down to kiss all along Jeff's chest and stomach. He took off Jeff's jeans, throwing them down to the floor next to their shirts. He began rubbing Jeff's groin through his boxers, letting the whimpers and moans coming from his lover go straight to his groin. He grabbed the waistband of Jeff's boxers with his teeth and pulled them off. One of his hands wrapped around the base of Jeff's cock and started to stroke it slowly.

"Cooper," Jeff moaned, thrusting up in Cooper's hand eagerly. "Mmmm Coopy…"

Cooper sucked on just the head of Jeff's cock, twirling his tongue all around it before sliding more and more of it into his mouth. His tongue rubbed the vein along the underside of it, making Jeff gasp and thrust upwards sharply. Cooper choked a bit in surprise but quickly relaxed his throat and sucked hard, playing with Jeff's balls as he did so. Jeff's fingers dug into Cooper's hair and he thrusted up again, mewling in pleasure as his release spilled down Cooper's throat. "Cooper," Jeff gasped, propping himself up on his elbows so he could look down at Cooper. "Fuck me."

Cooper didn't need to be told twice. He quickly finished undressing himself and grabbed the lube they always kept in the bag near their bed. He slowly drizzled some on to the palm of his hand, rubbing it on his cock before positioning himself in between Jeff's legs and sliding in slowly. Jeff moaned and arched his hips up, wrapping his legs around Cooper's waist and pulling him closer against him. Cooper kissed Jeff hard as he thrusted, resisting the urge to pound into Jeff in favor of a slower, more loving pace. One of his hands were back around Jeff's cock and it was stroking him in time with his thrusts. Jeff moaned and rocked against Cooper's thrusts. "Mmm fuck Cooper.."

Cooper thrusted a little faster and stroked Jeff's harder, making Jeff cum yet again and cumming himself as he felt Jeff bite down hard on to his shoulder.

...

Cooper thought that everything was fine when he entered the arena for the Smackdown taping. That was until he was summoned to a meeting with Stephanie.

_This is not good._

Entering her office, to his shock and horror, not only was 'Taker there, but so was James and Connor.

_This is really not good._


	14. Chapter 14

"Okay... I didn't know that this was..."

"Shut up, Lawson!" Stephanie yelled "I don't know why I trusted you not to turn this into a bigger fuck-up than it already was, but you did and it is!"

Cooper was intelligent enough not to reply to that. James, however, felt the need to add something.

"Listen lady..." was all he got out before Stephanie shot him one of her patented glares.

"That shut up Lawson was directed at everyone in this room with that last name!" If looks could kill, James would be as dead as many of his own victims. "This is what is going to happen..."

_Oh great, there goes Wrestlemania. _Cooper thought.

"One... if anything happens to Del Rio, I will have everyone in this room who is not a McMahon arrested, charged, and hung out to dry. Secondly," this was directed at James "the ban my father put on you now extends to any member of your family not currently employed by WWE and believe me, there will be consequences if I hear any of you have even been in a men's room at a live event... any questions so far?"

The room was engulfed in total silence. Even James was quiet, which wasa feat in itself.

"I will take care of Del Rio from a company standpoint, which brings me to my final bit of business: Wrestlemania. If there any problems between now and then, there will be no Wrestlemania for either of you. Is there any part of what I just said that is in any way unclear with anyone?"

James covered Connor's mouth before he could get them all in more trouble.

"Good... any questions?"

"Uhm..." Cooper raised his hand like a timid five-year-old. "I guess now is not a good time to ask if I can have two weeks off after Wrestlemania."

Stephanie acid stare answered that question.

"Now get out of my office, and in the case of two of you, this arena!"

It was a mad scramble as everyone pushed their way out. Once the last man had left, the door closing behind them, Stephanie exhaled. Channelling her inner-Vince like that was fun, but it was very tiring.

"Now if only Del Rio listens as well."

...

"What the hell was that all about?" Cooper demanded "And how the fuck did she find out?"

"I told her." Mark stated

"And after you raised hell when I wanted to do something about it?" James stopped in the process of opening the car door. "Just what were you thinking, Mark? I mean, seriously..."

"I was the only one thinking seriously, apparently. You were too busy drooling over the prospect of killing Del Rio and from the screams coming from the bedroom, I have a pretty good idea of what the two of you were up to."

"I hope it gives you nightmares like I get when you two go at it."

"Not really." Mark shrugged, which irritated Cooper more. "I wish I could've heard the conversation when you told Jeff about your fun. Now that would've been entertaining."

_Not as entertaining as you think, deadman..._

"Since you've got it all figured out, what do we do now, Marky-Mark?"

"We are doing nothing. James, take Connor home and either order pizza or kill a hooker or something. Cooper, you and I have work to do."

"Nuuuuuuuuu..." Connor whined "I wants..."

"Connor, shush for once." James hated talking like that to his son, namely because of the tantrums it led to, but he was a little afraid of Stephanie. Not physically; he doubted he'd let her hit him more than once or twice before he started fighting back, but financially. Even a company as successful as Likansuk didn't have the resources of the WWE if Stephanie saw fit to pursue a lengthy legal battle and if Stephanie was anything like her father, she would go after his wallet if Del Rio even disappeared. "We're going home and we'll order pizza."

"No!" Connor crossed his arms and sulked

"Okay... I'm going home, and ordering pizza, and I'll eat all the chocolate dunky-thingies myself!"

"Meanie!" The threat worked, though. Connor was in the car, anxiously honking the horn, in seconds. "C'mon Daddy... I want the dunky-thingies!"

Just to make certain, Mark and Cooper waited for the car to leave, then waited a good ten minutes after just in case.

"That was too fuckin' close." Mark sighed, heading back into the arena.

"I don't get you." Cooper said "Why would you do something like that... you know what's gonna happen when you get home."

"Son, you and I both know that James is just being protective of Connor. With you on the road, he's the only one to deal with your brother." Mark looked his son squarely in the face. "I think that's why he's such a... y'know..."

"Grouchy-pants?" Cooper said

"Son, you have been hanging around Jeff too much." Mark chuckled "But that's what it is... Connor misses having you around, and James misses having you around to take care of Connor. At least that's what he tells me."

"Dad, I'm twenty-eight, almost twenty-nine years old. It's about time I started taking care of myself... well, trying to at least. Why can't some people see that?" Cooper asked "I'm not a kid anymore."

"I'm not the one giving you shit about it. I'm just, believe it or not, trying to do this fathering thing and giving you the facts." Mark answered "I've just got one last question."

"That is?"

"Why did you ask about two weeks off after Wrestlemania?"

"Can you keep a secret?" Cooper asked

"Unlike your brother, yes."

"Well, so can I." Cooper chuckled "Wanna get a beer or two before the production meeting?"

Mark smirked "After that beatdown by the boss, I'm gonna need more than two."

...

"You never came back to the bar last night." Matt stuck his arm out the open window.

"Nope." Jeff answered

"Must've been something serious?"

"Nope." Jeff repeated

"So Cooper hasn't screwed up again?"

"Nope." Jeff repeated for a third time.

"Are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"Nope." Jeff smiled

"They fucked. Matt, c'mon, even I can see the hickey." Randy leaned over the seat and poked the reddish-purplish bruise on the side of Jeff's neck, causing him to squeal and accidentally drive the car onto the soft shoulder. "After all the love marks I've left on your body..."

"Can we please not talk about my sex life?" Jeff grumbled

"But your sex life is so much fun to talk about." Randy continued to tease.

"Imma make you walk to the arena, both of you, if you don't stop with the poopy-pantsedness right now."

"Is that even a word?" Matt asked

"It is if I say it is." Jeff got back on the road. "Now shush. We're almost there."

...

Once they got the beer, Cooper and Mark drank it outside by the car so nobody could try to say anything to them about having alcohol backstage. As they drank it Cooper told Mark the reason why he wanted time off after Wrestlemania. Mark listened without interrupting, which was a nice thing for Cooper. After the whole thing with Stephanie earlier he really wasn't in the mood to get interrupted or have a whole bunch of smartass comments thrown his way. It would have just set him off in the worst possible way.

"When were you planning on telling James this?" Mark asked once Cooper was done.

"When I came home but Connor opening his big fat mouth about Del Rio got in the way of that."

Mark just shook his head. "We all knew that was going to happen sooner or later. To think Connor could ever keep a secret was completely foolish."

"Yeah well he had horrible fucking timing," Cooper muttered. "Now not only do I have to find another time to tell Dad but I'm never going to get Stephanie to let me have time off of Wrestlemania now. I'm gonna be lucky if I don't get my career fucked over and end up jobbing to Primo on Superstars."

"I don't think she'll be doing anything like THAT," Mark assured him. "I know she's pissed right now but Del Rio is still alive and as long as James and Connor behave and stay away then she'll stay professional and not let this affect business."

"But she still won't be giving me my two weeks off after Wrestlemania," Cooper interjected. "And now this means I'm going to have to have another talk with Jeff, which could go horribly wrong quite frankly."

"Just tell Jeff you'll need to try to talk to her after she cools back down. Once she cools back down you should be able to get your couple weeks off."

"And what if she still don't want to give it to me?"

"Then I'll try to talk to her, alright? Just settle your ass down." Mark took a long drink of his beer. "You gotta just keep your tits calm. It'll work out okay."

"That's easy for YOU to say," Cooper muttered. He took a swig of his beer and ran a hand through his hair. "You're you. And I'm me. And I have quite a notorious history as a fuck-up."

Mark opened his mouth to say something but stopped when a car pulled up near them and Jeff practically leapt out of the car and pounced on Cooper. "Coopy!" He wrapped his legs around Cooper's waist and kissed his cheek. "Hi!"

"Hi." Cooper kissed him back, his cheeks turning red as Mark, Matt and Randy all laughed at him.

"I missed you." Jeff kissed his cheek again, making exaggerated kissing noises as he did so. "I missed you lots." He kissed his cheek yet again.

"I missed you too," Cooper replied, shaking his head at the way Jeff was being.

"Oh come on, it hasn't been THAT long since you guys saw each other," Matt said in exasperation.

"Oh come on Matt, they're cute," Randy said. He had the biggest shit eating grin on his face at the moment. "They loooooooove each other."

Cooper rolled his eyes. "Stop that."

"You looooooove him."

"Orton I mean it."

"Why? You don't like that I feel the loooooooove?"

"I will beat the shit out of you right now. I'm not joking. I will risk Stephanie's wrath again just to hurt you." Cooper didn't really mean that. He was just hoping he could scare Randy into shutting the hell up.

Matt raised his eyebrows. "Again? What did you do the first time?"

"It was nothing HE really did it was just the potential death of Del Rio that got her all pissed off," Mark said. "But it's fine. Once she cools down more it'll all be settled."

Jeff frowned. "Did you get to ask for the time off before she got mad?"

"I kind of did…the look I got nearly skinned me alive."

"He'll just have to try again once she's calmed back down," Mark said when he saw the disappointed look on Jeff's face. "She'll probably me more willing to listen then."

"And why exactly do you want time off?" Of course Matt had to ask. He couldn't just mind his own business.

Cooper made Jeff get back down to his own two feet. "Jeff can tell you while I get my ass to that stupid production meeting. I'm NOT looking to get another asshole torn into me for being late."

Cooper went inside, leaving just silence between the other four.

"I guess I better head to the production meeting as well." Mark tossed his empty beer bottle across the loading dock and followed Cooper back into the arena.

"Well?" Matt repeated

"I dunno." Jeff giggled childishly.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Matt demanded "Cooper just told us to ask you and now you don't even know!"

Jeff giggled again, shrugging his shoulders.

"C'mon Matty, you always say that Cooper's a lying bastard." Randy interrruped "Why would you all of a sudden take his word for it?"

Jeff jaw dropped. "Matty, you're a meanie!"

"Great, another Connor." Matt grumbled

"Just for that, even if I did know, I wouldn't tell you. So nyah nyah nyah..." Jeff blew a raspberry at Matt and ran inside.

"I have such a headache..." Matt moaned "I swear, those two..."

"Look on the bright side. You won't be working a program with them after 'Mania." Randy scratched the stubble on his chin.

"You?"

"Yeah, assuming nothing goes wrong." Randy continued to rub the growth on his face.

"We're dealing with Lawsons. That's a real big assumption... if it itches so much, why don't you just shave?" Randy's scratching was becoming a distraction.

"Creative wants me to grow one. They said it'll make me look more menacing."

"Fuck Creative. It'll make you look like Punk and nobody wants that."

"Speaking of Punk, I gotta go. We gotta go over some stuff. Later, love." One long,

tongue-fuelled kiss later, and a very red-faced Matt was being stared at by the Bella twins.

_Connor is right... twins are creepy._

...

Cooper and Mark listened intently during the production meeting. Creative had no plans for any real big buildup on the last Smackdown before Wrestlemania. According to Michael Hayes, their wasn't much more to be said between the two without it becoming repetitive. According to Mark, it was because Michael Cole didn't want to get tombstoned again.

"Other than the head shots, and the blood, there's pretty much nothing we can't do, right?"

At Cooper's request, the title versus streak match was being billed as a no-disqualification match.

"After what you've done to each other since you won the title, we're expecting nothing short of the two of you slashing each other's throats out there."

Cooper winced at Hayes' choice of words. Even Mark seemed a little disturbed by them. _Thank God no one named Hardy heard that..._

The Creative team droned on about some of the other matches and Celebrity segments that were gonna make up Sunday's big show... every third sentence seemed to be either about the Rock, Cena, or the Miz, not a single one of which Cooper cared about. In his mind, the Rock should've stayed in Hollywood, Cena should go to Hollywood and stay, and the closest thing to Hollywood for the Miz, short of doing gay porn, would be another Real World reunion.

After what seemed like hours, they finally heard the most blessed words of all. "Good luck on Sunday, everyone and remember, spectacular but safe."

Mark and Cooper were the first out of the room.

"One more beer with the old man before the big day?"

"You read my mind... Dad." Cooper smiled "You read my mind."


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for the delay on this one. I know for me at least, creative juices aren't quite flowing the way they used to.**

…

In his day to day life, Cooper oftened faced many challenges that came from having the last name Lawson. Those included dealing with a often-times feral younger brother, and trying to prevent either or both of the two people he now considered a father from doing something incredible stupid or illegal or both. But compared to what he was now feeling, he'd gladly trade it all in.

"Y'okay, Coopy?" Apparently he wasn't as cool as he thought.

"Yeah, yeah... I'm fine." Cooper lied, trying to pretend like watching the match between Jerry "The King" Lawler and Michael Cole was actually interesting.

"Nervous?" Jeff smiled

"Nope." Cooper lied again.

"Liar." Jeff punched him in the bicep.

"Am not..."

"Are too..."

"Am..."

"You're on in five, Lawson. Better hit Gorilla."

Trying not to look like a scared kid who was about to wet himself in front of 71 thousand-plus-fans, Cooper grabbed his leather coat and left the locker room. On the Smackdown two days earlier, Teddy Long in an effort to make the match as close to even as possible had banned Bearer, Kane, and Jeff from ringside with a threat that if they interfered, Cooper would lose the title on the spot.

He saw Mark waiting patiently to make his entrance. As challenger, he would go first.

"Nervous?" Mark asked

"What's with everyone asking me if I'm nervous or scared today and then calling me a liar when I'm not?" Cooper retorted "Shit balls, I'm fine."

"If you say so." Mark took one last look at the monitor, chuckling softly at the sight of both Booker T and Josh Matthews being laid out with the Stone Cold Stunner. "Dude can still bring it."

The butterflies that were currently doing cartwheels in Cooper's stomach suddenly decided to make their way toward his throat. Cooper suddenly felt legitmately ill and wondered what would be the fallings-out if he puked just prior to one of the main-event matches at the biggest card of the year.

"Bucket's over there." Mark pointed

"But... how..."

"I felt the same way before my first 'Mania. Even though I was just undercard against Jimmy Snuka, I was scared out of my boots. I'd rather have gone one-on-one with Caroline than go out there. But I got through it and so will you."

Cooper exhaled loudly.

"Just remember the finish. We've got twenty-five to thirty minutes for this, so just take it easy, don't rush, and if you miss a spot, don't panic."

"Mark...Cooper... it's time."

"Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, I wanna... INFIDEL!" Connor ran into the living room, then stopped so suddenly he fell face-first on the floor when he saw what James was doing.

"Infidel... who me or the carpet?" James was sitting on the couch, surrounded by beer, pizza, and several bags of various other snack foods.

"Both. I wanna kill someone." Connor announced

"Then go." James shrugged

"But I wants you to come with me." Connor pleaded

"Connor, I told you before... tonight is a 'me' night." James had tried explaining to his son that he was going to watch Wrestlemania, without exactly telling him in so many words, but that worked as well as could be expected when you dealt with Connor.

"Meanie! You don't love me anymore!" Connor pouted, then started with the obnoxious fake tears he sometimes used to get his way.

"If I didn't love you, then I wouldn't have saved you four orders of you-know-what." James winked

"I loves you now!" Connor jumped on James' lap, almost crushed his ribs with a hug, spilled his beer, and made him drop his pizza on the floor, but it was worth it. At least it would be if the distraction waiting in the fridge would last for the next hour or so.

"Go eat your dunkie-things and maybe later we can go kill someone." James said _Just give me peace for the rest of the show...that's all I ask._

...

"Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is title versus career and it is for the World Heavyweight Championship." Justin Roberts announced

Cooper almost broke character and laughed while watching the Undertaker's entrance.

"Something funny, kid?" Booker T, who had miraculously recovered, asked

"No, I mean, yes. Well... 'Taker's all dark and shit, but he's coming out to Johnny Cash? That'd be like me coming out to Miley Cirus." Cooper shrugged

"Now that would be interesting. I'll talk to creative about doing that for next Smackdown..."

It took Cooper a few seconds to realize that the veteran was just messing with him.

"Just give 'em a good show. That's all you gotta worry about." Booker clapped him across the back then headed for the locker room to watch the rest of the matches. Cooper watched Mark go through his pre-match ritual, and waited for the words that he both wanted to, and dreaded hearing.

"Go!"

"And his opponent... from Las Vegas, Nevada, he is the World Heavyweight Champion... Cooper Calaway!"

Any nerves that Cooper had were suddenlt drowned by an adrenline rush that kicked in at the same time at the opening bars of "Welcome to the Family". Giving his collar a forceful tug, he stepped through the curtain. The chorus of boos added to the rush and it took most of his control not to run down to the ring.

Once in the ring, it was just a matter of dropping his jacket and waiting for the bell. Everything else was a total blur of noise and colour.

As best as possible, they locked up. Which lasted about five seconds before Undertaker shoved Cooper to the mat with force. Cooper jumped up, glared at Mark, and tried again... with the same result.

"Need to flip the script or my ass is gonna be sore tonight." Cooper mumbled, rolling to his feet.

The slightest of movements from Mark and Cooper went into the next phase: all-out attack. First he went for a clothesline which Mark ducked, then a shoulder tackle which Mark no-sold. Finally he tried a good old-fashioned boot to the head. Mark caught his foot, spun him around, then clotheslined him to the canvas.

_This is gonna be a long night..._

"Go, Coopy, go! Show that mean old grouchy-pants Undertaker why you're the champion and he's not!" Jeff was literally bouncing from foot to foot, yet the match was less than two minutes old.

"Jeff, you do know that the plan is for Mark to win, right? I mean, you've been with this company how long...?" Matt added, waiting for Randy to come out of the shower after his match with CM Punk.

Jeff blew a raspberry at his brother. "Don't say that!"

"But... whatever... enjoy your disappointment." Matt sighed. Sometimes it just wasn't worth it. "I'm gonna find my Viper. I'll be right back."

...

The match had been alloted half-an-hour of ring time, and to the fans it seemed like Mark was going to use every second of that time to punish his son. Cooper had already been choke-slammed and clotheslined so many times, that he was starting to lose count. Fortunately, he'd been able to block an early attempt by Mark to end the match with the tombstone piledriver as well as turning a botched Last Ride attempt into a Lou Thesz press, followed by several stiff punches to the head of the Deadman. But that was all the offense Cooper had managed so far.

_Enough of this crap... time to rock 'n roll..._

...

"Randy, are you in there?"

Matt had originally checked catering for his boyfriend, but the only person eating at that time was Zack Ryder, who informed him that the last time he'd seen Mr. RKO, Randy was heading for the showers.

"Where else would I be?" Orton shouted back over the sounds of idle conversation and running water.

Matt stepped in for a better view, not that he hadn't already seen what Randy had to offer many times before. But when he saw his lover on his knees, the blood went straight to his toes.

For Sheamus, the only advantage of being in the dark match prior to the big show was that he had plenty of time to shower, removing some of the extra hair coloring Creative insisted he apply to his already bright red mop. Clean and dressed, he was able to enjoy the entire show in peace, the only other consolation was he still held the U.S. Championship. Watching Matt go into the shower, wearing his street clothes, he chuckled. He didn't have a problem with Matt and Randy being together, but anticipation of Matt coming out soaking wet made him break character.

When Matt didn't return right away, Sheamus gradually reset his attention to the Undertaker-Cooper match. It was surprisingly good for an old guy and a kid with less than a dozen legit matches under his belt. Thus, it was no surprise that he didn't see Matt exit the shower bone-dry, but with a face the color of which would better suit his own skin, until he sat down beside the Irishman.

Sheamus usually did not involve himself in the personal lives of the rest of the roster, but something seemed really off. Whether it was Matt continuously licking his lips, or twisting his hands together, or sighing audibily, but there was something wrong.

"Y'okay, fella?" He whispered so as not to disturb the other Superstars who were totally involved in the show.

Matt bit his lower lip and unclenched his right hand. "Randy asked me to marry him." He mumbled. In his hand was a small box, which he opened to show a very simple engagement-type ring.

Sheamus looked around. "And?"

Matt looked up, his eyes shining. "I said yes."

"One... two..." Somehow, Cooper managed to lift his shoulder before the three. It was getting harder with each minute that went by, yet 'Taker showed no signs of stopping the assault. The Spanish announce table was in splinters, the Anonymous RAW GM's platform had been toppled, and there were several holes in the padding that covered the security rail, but Cooper had refused to stay down. When Mark pulled him back to his feet, he gave a little nod. This was the signal that it was Cooper's turn to dish out some punishment.

Mark swung, but it was obvious to anyone with half a clue, and maybe even Connor, that Cooper was meant to block it. He did not disappoint, stopping Mark's fist and returning the favor sevenfold with a series of shots to the Undertaker's upper torso. It was getting redder with each shot and Cooper couldn't help but be reminded of all the times he'd run into his father after a bout of sex... he looked pretty much the same.

For good measure, he added two more hard right hands to Mark's gut, then, to everyone's surprise, knocked him backwards into the ropes with a decently-executed dropkick. Mark sprung back and Cooper dropkicked him again, putting the Dead Man down to one knee. A third dropkick, right to the temple, and Mark was flat on his back. Getting to his feet, Cooper saw that he'd busted Mark open the hard way and hoped Trips wouldn't fine him for it.

Grabbing Mark by the hair, Cooper dragged him to eye level. "Bye, dad." He shouted loud enough for the entire arena to hear, then attempted the ultimate insult.. Cooper stuck Mark's head between his legs, then heaved him upright. The crowd gasped when they saw what was happening. Cooper was trying to put his father into the Last Ride.

"Dammit..." Cooper groaned. _You need to lose some weight, Dad..._

Mark slipped out of the hold, and landed upright. He quickly went for a clothesline, which Cooper ducked. Bouncing off the ropes, he booted Mark in the face, then quickly brought him to his feet again. The crowd thought he was going to try to use the Last Ride again, but boy were they wrong. In seconds, Cooper had him locked in the goozle.

"This time, stay down!" Cooper bellowed, choke-slamming his father to the mat.

Mark hit the cnavas hard and Cooper covered him, hooking the far leg for leverage. The referee got down to make the count.

"One..."

The crowd gasped.

"Two..."

The crowd gasped louder.

At two point nine, Mark lifted his left shoulder just enough to break the count. The crowd burst into a loud cheer, which got even louder when Mark tried to do his patented Undertaker sit-up.

"Oh hell no, father of mine." Cooper was up just as quickly, and that meant another boot to the head. Mark fell back to the mat.

Cooper thought he could hear Jeff screaming for him to finish the match, even from the back.

"This is where you fall down." He grinned "But this time, you stay down." He mocked the Undertaker further by running his finger across his throat, then pulling Mark to his feet. A quick flip and Cooper had Mark set. As he was preparing to drop Mark, courtesy his own finishing move, Cooper happened to look out into the crowd. His attention was caught by a man and his son in the front row. Now, there was nothing special about either of them; in fact, they were just a couple of fans. What got Cooper's attention was where they were sitting. One year ago, it was he and Jeff in those very seats. In seconds, everything that had happened over the past year flashed through his eyes... the good, the bad, the tantrums, the tender moments. Cooper actually had a weird feeling going through his system... something he hadn't felt in a very long time. Could it be... happiness?

Whatever it was, the trip down memory lane was broken up when he felt Mark gripping hiss thighs tightly, preparing for a very rough landing. That was the cue. Cooper put every last drop of energy into tombstoning Mark, then folding his arms across his body while the referee counted.

"One...

"Two...

This time, Mark wasn't getting up. He whispered something just before...

"Three!"

"Here is your winner and still World Heavyweight Champion... Cooper Calaway!"

Cooper barely heard the announcement. He was still a little stunned; both by the fact that he had just ended the longest undefeated streak in Wrestlemania history and the three words Mark had just whispered to him...

"Well done, son."


	16. Chapter 16

Cooper was in a rut. There was no other way to describe it. Since retiring Mark at Wrestlemania, he'd gone on to feud with Randy Orton, Sheamus, Orton again, Kane (after the family had been dissolved), Matt Hardy, and finally Jeff of all people. He'd lost the title to Orton at Summerslam, won it back at the Rumble, then promptly lost it to CM Punk on an episode of RAW in February.

Since then, he'd been languishing in mid-card obscurity. The only thing that he'd really enjoyed was beating the hell out of 3MB. He was hoping that might've been the start of something interesting, but then the Shield came in and he became just another victim of a triple power bomb.

This brings us to why Cooper was lying on the couch with Jeff on top of him. Creative used it to give Cooper some requested time off. What Creative didn't know was that Cooper's contract was set to expire within the next 30 days and he wasn't sure that he wanted to return.

Playing with Jeff's hair while he listened to Connor still proclaim that he was the Champion, Cooper sighed loudly.

"Sup, Cooper?" Jeff turned his head "You haven't been yourself lately."

"I dunno." Cooper replied "Just bored, I guess."

"Imma make you not bored." Jeff started to rub his bottom against Cooper's groin.

"Jeff, it's not you that's making me bored." Cooper answered "In fact, you're the one exciting thing I got going for me now."

"Yay!" Jeff rolled over to make more intimate contact. "I like making you excited."

"I know." Cooper smirked, getting hard. "But I don't want Connor making another scene like last week."

"That was kinda cute." Jeff giggled

"Cute? You obviously don't remember that you were not the one chasing after him trying to get him to stop yelling that we were fucking and for five bucks, they could watch."

"Yeah… he so shoulda charged more!" Jeff moved up for a kiss.

The phone rang, interrupting Jeff and Cooper's moment. Cooper reached for the phone, but Jeff slapped his hand away.

"Let James or Mark answer it." He scolded "It's not often we get any alone time anymore."

"Not my fault." Cooper shrugged

"Yes it is." Jeff tried to look stern. "You refuse to move in with me!"

"Jeff, we've been over this before." Cooper sighed "I told you I have my reasons."

"Yeah, but you've also been a grouchy-pants and not told me what those reasons are." Jeff huffed "I thought that these rings meant that we had something."

"We do." Cooper exhaled, and for a moment debated to tell Jeff that he still felt that he was living in the shadow of Tom. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yeah. I do. Whatever it is, I will not be angry."

"No grouchy-pants from you?"

"No grouchy-pants." Jeff promised

"Okay, it's just that I still…"

"Got a minute?" Mark interrupted

"What is it, dead man?" Cooper was a little thankful for the interruption.

"That was Vince on the phone."

"If it's about my contract, I hope you told him that…"

"Actually, it's not." Mark furrowed his brow. Cooper knew that look. It meant that something was seriously bothering his father. "I don't know why Vince was told before we were…"

"Dad, what's wrong?"

"Your grandfather passed away this morning." Mark exhaled

"What?" Cooper sat up fast. So fast, that Jeff almost ended up on the floor.

"Respiratory failure or something like that." Mark said

Cooper was shocked. "There's more, isn't there?"

"Yeah." Mark sighed "This is even worse."

"What could be… or should I even ask?"

"Vince asked me to come back for a few weeks to work an angle with Punk."

"And…?"

"I said yes."

...

Between the funeral arrangements, Mark's return and Wrestlemania, the last month of Cooper's WWE life rushed by. To his word, he did not renew his contract and was written off television after receiving a second triple power bomb through a table by the Shield.

Several days later, he and Jeff were lounging around Jeff's house. To Jeff's credit, he had not brought up the very uncomfortable topic of why Cooper hadn't moved in again, but Cooper knew that was only a matter of time.

"Coopy, I know." Out of the blue, Skittles in his hand, Jeff stated.

"You do? You know what?" Cooper asked

"Why you won't move in with me." Jeff curled up in the corner easy chair.

"Oh really?" Cooper tried to play it calm.

"Yeah. I is stupid really. It's the same reason you wouldn't take Tommy's ring… you hate to be reminded of why we're together." Jeff said "I don't know why I didn't realize it earlier."

"Jeff, I do love you." Cooper answered

"But it's been two years." Jeff answered "Isn't it time to move on? Fuck, even Matty and Randy have accepted the fact that we're together!"

"They have?" This was news to Cooper.

"Yeah… for six months! Now are you gonna get off your butt and do something about us or do I hafta?"

That sounded like an ultimatum to Cooper. "What you gonna do about it then?"

Jeff pouted… for half a second. "This, mister."

He jumped out of the chair and walked on his knees across the floor to Cooper. Taking Cooper's hands in his, he said the four words that, looking back, Cooper wished he'd had the balls to say.

"Will you marry me?"

…

"Do I look alright?" James asked for the tenth time.

"You look fine." Mark replied for the tenth time.

"But…"

"After the shit you put the Hardy family through, you should be thankful that Cooper and Jeff want you there." Mark finished knotting his bow tie.

"I was only being a good daddy." James sulked

"Keep telling yourself that, psycho." Mark answered "Now hurry up. The limo's waiting."

"I still don't get why you get to be the best man."

"Because Cooper was afraid you'd throw an episode if he asked you… especially since he is marrying one of the Hardys… or don't you remember that part of the conversation?"

"Vaguely." James went to tuck a small silver object into the inside pocket of his suit coat, but Mark stopped him.

"And you are not getting drunk at the ceremony!"

"But Marky…"

"You can get drunk at the reception, although God knows why booze is even being served with you as a guest." Mark was beginning to get a headache. "Now hurry up… the limo's waiting."

…

"Family, friends, and acquaintances. We are here today to witness the joining of Jeffrey Nero Hardy and Cooper Benjamin Lawson in the union of marriage. For what these two bring together, let no one tear apart."

For all the stressing out, the planning, and the panic, Cooper was finally relaxed. It helped looking over and seeing Jeff as the bride, with Natalya, Layla, Alicia Fox, and AJ as his bridesmaids. Ironically, Mark, James, Matt, and Randy were his groomsmen. He only hoped that his fathers would behave; at least at the chapel.

"Should there be anyone here who knows of a reason why these two should not be joined, let them speak now…"

"and die…" James muttered. For all his complaining, he truly wanted things to go off in a non-typical WWE way.

"…or forever hold their peace."

There was complete silence all through the exchanging of vows. Jeff and Cooper had written their own. Jeff from some of his poetry and Cooper had basically just stolen lyrics from songs he liked.

"Then through the power invested in me by the state of Massachusetts, let me present to you… Misters Jeffrey and Cooper Lawson."

There was applause and many sighs of relief.

"If you're gonna suck face, now would be a proper time to do so." The minister smiled.

"Like we need an invitation?" Cooper and Jeff shared their first kiss as newly married.

…

"Marky… hey Marky!" James shouted across the hall.

"Excuse me for a moment." Mark separated from Matt and Randy. "Looks like it's time to do damage control."

"Damage control?" Matt whispered "They haven't even served dinner yet!"

"Better get used to it… you're part of the family now." Randy whispered

"Not funny." Matt answered "But eventually, so will you."

"Uh... what are you saying?"

"Don't you think it's time we set a date?" Matt's eyes twinkled.

The newly married couple joined Matt and Randy. They both had rosy cheeks, a sign that they'd been into the liquor as well.

"It's about time you two did that." Jeff said

"What did I miss?" Mark finally finished rescuing James from an arrest. Dragging his drunk lover by the sleeve, he came back just in time to see Jeff's acrobatics.

"Matt and Randy are finally gonna set a date." Jeff bubbled.

"You are?" Mark asked.

"I guess so." Randy confirmed.

"Yay Marky… we gets to go to another wedding soon!" James was happy. Yes, he'd had way too much to drink.

Cooper could already feel the drama llamas starting. "Now this is definitely overload."

THE END

_**Dedicated to the memory of Bill Moody a.k.a. Paul Bearer 1954-2013**_


End file.
